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McGwire admits it was him who broke the home run record in 1998

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

mcguire

In more news that everybody knew already, former St. Louis Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire announced that it was indeed him who hit 70 home runs in 1998 breaking the former record of 61 held by Roger Maris set in 1961. ApparentlyMcGwire has just decided to tell everybody more news that does not shock anybody.

“Remember 1998 when that ‘roided out first baseman hit 70 home runs to break the single season record?” questioned the admitted steroid user, “Yeah, that was me!” It appears the attention starved former player just wants attention to remind everybody of his records. McGwire continued on to say that steroids in no way helped him hit the ball 500 feet, that feat he attributed to his strength.

Tony LaRussa, McGwire’s and still current Cardinal manager isn’t sure why McGwire came out with the admission of steroids or the home run reminder either. “Nobody forgot what he did on the field, and everybody knew it was because of the steroids. I don’t understand why he feels necessary to break this news in the middle of the offseason.”

McGwire will take over the hitting coach duties in St. Louis this year. It is not known whether current players prefer the cream or the clear.

Filed Under: .Headlines, MLB Tagged With: , , ,

Brett Favre offers Kurt Warner Retirement Advice

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

favrewarner

Vikings Brett Favre was moved as he watched what could possibly be the last game of QB counterpart, Kurt Warner. After a crushing defeat by the powerful Saints’ offense, the media was left asking questions about Warner’s future.

As expected, Warner wasn’t quick to give an answer but rather said he’ll need some time away during the offseason to think about it. Warner did get a phone call though from someone he wasn’t expecting would call regarding the issue. That was Brett Favre. We were able to secure a copy of the transcript of the call (don’t ask how) and it went a little something like this:

Kurt: Hello?

Brett: Kurt?

Kurt: Who’s this?

Brett: I’m the juggernaut bitch! Nah just kidding! I’m Brett Favre

Kurt: Oh hey man.. whats up

Brett: My Temper.. but listen.. this call’s about you man.. I saw your game against the saints..

Kurt: I know.. :( hey.. stuff happens

Brett: I’m with you dude.. and I just wanna give you some advice.. you know.. old guy to old guy..

Kurt: but you’re 40..

Brett: Listen up.. I know you’re thinking heavily about retirement and i just want to let you know.. take all the time you can because it’s a real important decision

Kurt: yeah man i hear you.. thanks man..

Brett: No you dont’ understand.. take all the freaking time you can.. like say you’ll think about it.. even until like the month of september..

Kurt: haha.. you serious?

Brett: dude.. you’re a beast.. you’ll be respected no matter what.. what are they gonna do? fire you!?

Kurt: well..

Brett: listen up.. you’ve been getting your jock ridden lately.. it’s time you reap your benefits man.. be a dick to your coach if you have to.. but if you truly want to play.. go back and play! even if it’s with the jets!

Kurt: you can’t be serious.. i don’t think i can do that man.. i don’t know

Brett: think about it. call me back. i gotta get the door. that sissy brad childress sent me flowers again. peace out brah!

Kurt: bye…

Filed Under: .Headlines, NFL Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Andy Gray requests POST post game show

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

agray

LONDON- Footballing pundit Andy Gray has requested Sky Sports add an extra programme to it

Filed Under: .Headlines, FOOTBALL/SOCCER Tagged With: , , ,

Lamar Odom has to buy extra laker season tickets for wife’s ass

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

lamarkhloe
Newlyweds Lamar Odom and Chloe Kardasian tied the knot earlier in 2009. Most were baffled by the sudden engagement, shortly after news had been out that they were seeing each other. The relationship has appeared to go on well so far, however there was a recent rift between the two according to tabloids.

It was reported that Chloe’s ass was deemed “too big” for one seat in Staples Arena and she was forced to purchase an extra seat. The Lead Usher at Staples said “i wasn’t tryin to disrespect Ms. Kardasian-Odom. i ain’t sayin’ she fat but she got too much junk in the trunk! I mean.. i’d hit that on monday and come back thursday to finish the job!” The usher had to tell her to buy the next seat or she’d have to leave. The lakers usually have sell-out crowds and it’s in the team’s best interest to maximize revenue.

Lamar, being the good guy he is, was upset by the news at first and understood that to keep this relationship going, he’d have to lose abit more money out of his salary. That’s a sacrifice he’d be willing to make we presume. I mean, i doubt he was really getting with her just so he could get with her sister…

Filed Under: .Headlines, NBA Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Aquilani spotted at Liverpool game, fans have no clue to who he is

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

aquilani

Who???????????

LIVERPOOL-Italian midfielder Alberto Aquilani
was seen dressed in Liverpool gear in Liverpool

Filed Under: .Headlines, FOOTBALL/SOCCER Tagged With: , , , ,

Michael Redd gets Injured again in hopes to rival Iverson and Mcgrady for Allstar Votes

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

redd

During a Sunday Morning confession, Michael Redd mentioned that he only wants to be an allstar and the only way he felt he’d get noticed was by being injured. Yes, at first we also thought it was a dumb statement but Redd raised a point.

“Be honest, half the league doesn’t even know i exist anymore anyways.. and i’m getting older. Does anyone even watch Milwaukee Bucks games? I trust the stupidity of the public to vote me into the allstar game! I’ll probably make a youtube video about it or something so I can boost my votes”

Redd wants to be remembered for more than what he’s accomplished so far in his career and he’s looked at his peers who seem to be making the news waves more than he is.

Two athletes came to mind in Iverson and McGrady. Redd added, “Now those guys.. those guys are geniuses.. I’ll start doing what they do! play incredible in the beginning of their career then start riding the money train towards the end. I might just retire at 30!”

Despite feeling that Redd’s comments and synopsis of the situation was ridiculous, we still acknowledge that he has a point. Hopefully, he doesn’t go that route and plays like the Michael Redd we’ve come to know and love.

We notified T-Mac of the story, to hear what his take on it was but all he responded with was quips of us blaming Redd’s injury on him.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NBA Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Cable fails to get self fired from Oakland

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

tomcable

After three days of missing meetings with owner Al Davis, Tom Cable still remains as the Oakland Raiders head coach. The owner and head coach had meetings scheduled last Monday, but all of them got pushed back until Thursday in Cable’s attempt to offend owner Al Davis and get himself out of the worst head coaching job in the NFL.

“Most people automatically assumed it was Davis who was missing the meetings, however it was myself, I am doing everything I can to get out of this hell hole” said Cable.

Oakland is the head coaching job nobody wants. Al Davis controls everything the team does, even if it makes no sense. Davis insists on playing his prized first round quarterback JaMarcus Russell, despite his high interception and low touchdown totals.

“I just figure if I don’t show up, ol’ Al will show me the door” hoped Cable. However, Davis showed up to the meetings anyway, and talked to a JaMarcus Russell Fathead for an hour about the direction the team is going next season.

When the two finally did meet, Davis demanded that Cable order more Fatheads that listen as well as JaMarcus Russell.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NFL Tagged With: , , , ,

Dwyane Wade breaks Heat all-time assist record; Pat Riley still doesn’t give a shit

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

waderiley

OKLAHOMA CITY-Saturday night was a record breaking night for Dwayne Wade and Miami. No, not for consecutive games with a crappy squad around D-wade but actually for career assist totals by a Miami Heat player.
This record is significant because the previous record holder was highly notable point guard, Tim Hardaway. Wade’s pass to Jermaine O’Neal for a dunk was the record breaking assist. The real story at hand though is Riley’s reaction to the whole event.

“Look we suck.. ok? we’re 20 – 19 in the eastern conference? why should i give a damn about assists?” commented Riley after the game.

We are are aware there was an ongoing feud between him and wade during the offseason and first half of the ’09-’10. Riley then added, “When that hardaway wanna-be starts scoring more points, passing less and quits spreading those stupid ‘im going to Chicago’ rumors, maybe we can finally win more games!”

Riley questioned Wade’s conditioning and efficiency on the court. In the offseason, Riley also failed to please Wade during the offseason when he asked for more help talent-wise from the free agency pool that included Iverson and Odom. Riley’s response to those demands was that he had Wade sign a long term contract first. Maybe there’s still some lockerroom heat going on between the players..

Hey look I just said “Heat”.. like Miami HEAT.. get it.. lulz.. that was sooo by accident..

Filed Under: .Headlines, NBA Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

United Debt revealed; Money spent on robotics development for senior players

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

ryangiggs
Giggs circa 2030

MANCHESTER- Money made from the sale of Cristiano Ronaldo last year was spent on designing and manufacturing new legs for Ryan Giggs. Disgruntled United fans were worried that American owner Malcolm Glazer had kept all the funds received from the Ronaldo sale to his conglomerate after Valencia was the only major summer signing. Ronaldo who was United

Filed Under: .Headlines, FOOTBALL/SOCCER Tagged With: , , , ,

Seahawks to hire Carroll in hopes to recruit top players around the country

January 11, 2010 By 1 Comment

carroll

The newly acquired Pete Carroll has been known best for his success at USC. He has coached notable players such as Carson Palmer, Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, Steve Smith just to name a few.

After the firing of former coach, Jim Mora Jr., hiring Carroll was clearly the best option according to the Seahawks GM. “Carroll knows how to coach, and knows how to attract great players to his program as we’ve seen at USC.. that’s why we hired him. We need to fill in our stadium seats again. We need new attractions! We need another electrifying RB like reggie bush!” he also added.

We advised the GM that the NFL doesn’t recruit players but are drafted according to their draft stock and what other teams are interested in. I can’t say he appeared more aware than shocked of the differences between the NFL and NCAA, but he was still enthusiastic than hopeful about the new coaching change. Best of luck to Seattle and Pete Carroll.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NCAA, NFL Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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