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What up?

April 28, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Well after some rather interesting events.. im back… again.. i know.. settle down..

basically ill get right down to business..

we’re gonna be updating articles twice a week now.. instead of every monday.. yes.. i know.. settle down..

gonna see how that goes.. basically i just don’t wanna right about something on a monday that happened on the tuesday before.. if you get my drift… yea..

so if you are a fake basketball fan like me.. you may not have realized that the NBA playoffs are here.. due to your not watching the games because you’re ass busy and can’t catch a break.. i know.. settle down..

but yea it’s no secret.. im gonna come clean.. im a spurs fan.. and watching my spurs get creamed by dallas in game 5 made me wonder if the mavs really needed joey crawford afterall to win this game..

anyway.. in other news.. check this out:

ok.. now .. that’s pretty cool.. but i wasn’t as impressed as alot of ppl seem to be by that.. i mean im not saying yeah i can do that.. i mean.. i ain’t gonna go up there and bust my ass trying to dunk a ball while backflipping off a 20 foot ladder.. it is hard enough.. but all my boy had to do here was fall down backwards and flip.. and land on the mat.. oh yeah.. make sure the ball goes in.. ive seen worse at basketball games..

however.. if dwight howard or nate robinson comes back into an nba dunk contest.. they have to do that dunk.. agreed? im tired of seeing old faces in dunk contests..

speaking of dwight howard..

you’ve now been featured on our newly unofficial

YOU’VE BEEN STERNED!!!

yes dwight.. you’ve just won a $35,000 deduction from your paycheck for talking about the refs in your blog..

i mean.. you decided to go on your online blog and freely express an opinion of yours that included the referees in an nba game in a negative manner… hahaha.. silly dwight.. who do you think you are??? me??

you may be superman but stern is yo’ kryptonite ;)

ok pretend i didn’t say that..

anyway.. that’s all i can ramble about at this very moment.. im trying to decide whether i should order chinese or pizza.. or both..

ahh ill just have a hotdog..

im real excited about doing 2 stories a week tho.. if you somehow stumbled across this area and u dont know what our site is about.. just click the banner at the very top of the page because im too lazy to put a link in here..

Filed Under: seb's shack Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Rolando McClain suffers career ending career as a Raider

April 26, 2010 By Leave a Comment

resized_ro_cory_presser_ap_markjterrillOAKLAND – Alabama Crimson Tide alum, Rolando McClain showed a deeply saddened face all day today. Deeply saddened by his draft onto the Raiders, McClain already knew his time was up.

“It all happened so fast.. I was sitting there, holding my mom’s hand tightly as names were being called.” said McClain. Rolando knew he was going to be a high pick according to mock drafts and combine results as well as his impressive stint in college, but started getting worried when the first seven teams passed up on him.

As soon as the orator walked up to the podium and announced “..for the 8th pick of the 2010 nfl draft, the oakland raiders select..”, Rolando described a cold piercing breath of air inhaled as a sweat ran down his cheek. He had never been this nervous or tense in his life on nor off the field. Apparently, other draftees felt the same way as they were praying not to be selected by the Raiders neither. “As soon as I heard my name called out for the Raiders pick, I knew my time was done.” said McClain. Every other player in the room exhaled in excitement and felt their future was once again in good hands, until it was the Raiders turn to draft again.

McClain made a brief statement saying he thanks his fans for all the support they have given him and that he hopes to recover from the highly potential career ending draft choice by being traded to another team.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NFL Tagged With: , , , ,

Drew Brees to sit out season incase of Madden Curse

April 26, 2010 By Leave a Comment

2350.11 madden drew brees
NEW ORLEANS – After being named the newest Madden cover boy, Drew Brees was excited for the news but he made an interesting announcement shortly after the celebration started. After acknowledging the priviledge of being named, he then announced that he is going to sit out the entire 2010-2011 NFL season to avoid risk of injury. A lot of fans and critics alike failed to understand the reasoning behind the decision until video game nerds explained what we like to call “The Madden Curse”.

The video game series, Madden NFL has spanned for over 10 years but after the corporate decision to put actual players on the video game cover instead of John Madden, there has usually been a decline in performance for that player, especially due to an injury. The madden curse has invaded players like Daunte Culpepper, marshall Faulk, and Michael Vick just to name a few.

A spokesman for the Saints’ front office declined to detail on what they plan to do to get Brees to play. He was kind enough to mention that they’ve considered taking Brees off the cover of that ‘dumb arcade game’ and wished 2ksports football games were still around because the players on their covers had successful seasons.

Backup QB, Chase Daniel, is excited about this as he should see more playing time. Should any more updates occur, you’ll hear it first on rofljock.com.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NFL Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Dallas Mavericks to acquire Joey Crawford for game 5 against San Antonio Spurs

April 26, 2010 By 1 Comment

GYI0050862060.jpgDALLAS- After a crushing defeat in San Antonio, Mav fans and Mark Cuban himself are left wondering what to make of their post season. The big trade that occured back in February to bring in Butler and Haywood may not be enough according to critics and fans alike. “The Spurs are playing the best basketball right now and I hate them for that. Also, the riverwalk is dirty incase you didn’t know” commented Cuban on Sunday night after the loss.

Cuban then expressed his desire to come back at the Spurs by unleashing yet another secret weapon. Thinking it was some player on the bench, he left us guessing whom exactly until he revealed it as none other than NBA referee Joey Crawford.

“Crawford hates the spurs even more than I do! This should really help us out here as I feel more confident in him than I do in Dirk” said Cuban. Crawford has a track record of making questionable foul calls, especially against the Spurs. One of his most notable was when he ejected Tim Duncan for laughing during a Mavs game.

There will be a press conference held this afternoon with Cuban and Crawford addressing the media. Crawford had gotten in contact with us and briefly stated that he is excited to be part of a respectable organization and will do everything he can to bring a trophy to Dallas.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NBA Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Miami Dolphins front office bothered by Ricky Williams’ request to have salary paid in weed

April 26, 2010 By 1 Comment

ricky-williams-smoking-weedMIAMI – Running back, Ricky Williams of the Dolphins has been relatively quiet as of late and has kept away from the media as far as controversy is involved. He has also had a decent season as a co-RB to Ronnie Brown. However, a comment he made earlier during training camp bothered some team officials. During a quick break, Williams was overheard saying he’d want to ‘toke it up’ to a promising season ahead. Williams also said he’d like to celebrate the progress with a victory joint.

After being confronted by the front office later on last week, Williams only said he was joking and that thsoe comments should be taken lightly. It was always part of his rehab to joke about his previous addictions that way he would feel less guilty about it.

After a mutual understanding with the staff, Williams then proceeded to smoke a bong with them in the office and chatted about how they should’ve drafted an actual dolphin with their first overall draft pick this year.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NFL Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Rasheed Wallace just realized he still plays for the NBA

April 26, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Pistons Cavaliers BasketballBOSTON – “Rasheed Wallace of the Celtics just woke up this morning with a shocked look on his face” said his wife. Apparently it seems as if, Wallace just woke up from a half year coma, because he sure has been playing like it.

After the game 4 loss to Miami, Sheed woke up saying he had a nightmare. When asked to describe it, he laughed hysterically as he told the story because he knew for sure we’d all laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

Sheed said it the best he could as he was quoted with “I dreamed that after we let Iverson go, I said ‘screw this’ and i left… FOR BOSTON!! LOL! BOSTON of all people! then get this.. i went there and sucked! i was like a bench player and stuff.. then we made the playoffs and just got whooped by Miami! and i only scored 5 points.. me!?? sheed! lol.. thats when i knew something was up!.. isn’t that funny? why aren’t you all laughing?? lol!”

We just ended the interview abruptly and didn’t bother sticking around while his wife offered to tell him what really happened. We have seen enough of Sheed’s rage already.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NBA Tagged With: , , , ,

Joakim Noah forced to live in Cleveland as punishment for comments against City.

April 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment
JEFF HAYNES/AFP/Getty Images

JEFF HAYNES/AFP/Getty Images

CLEVELAND- On the Eve, of the 2nd game of the series between Chicago and Cleveland, Noah was issued his punishment for what he said about Cleveland.

For those who weren’t aware, Noah quipped about Cleveland and how he wasn’t enjoying his time there. He also jested at the notion that ‘Cleveland sucks’. This apparently got fans and media native to Cleveland riled up and the attention of this has even managed to reach league management including David Stern.

When asked about what kind of punishment is in hand, a spokesperson for the Bulls said they were looking at forcing Noah to live in Cleveland for a day. “A financial penalty won’t teach Noah that what he did was wrong! Neither will a league suspension! We’ve got to really drill this lesson to him and we believe, forcing him to live in Cleveland will make him a new man once he’s out.”

This whole idea of penalty was unforseen and alot of people felt it was too extreme. Even Cleveland fans felt sorry for Noah having to live in Cleveland. “I know I live in Cleveland too and all but, seriously? c’mon guys.. it’s just jokes” said a Bob Wright, a Cleveland native and basketball fan.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NBA Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Utah Jazz to replace Mehmet Okur with random tall white guy

April 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment

mehmet_okurDENVER- Utah Jazz unfortunately lost Mehmet Okur with an injured achilles tendon during game 1 of the Utah vs. Denver playoff series. It was an unforeseen circumstance of course, and since they’ve already lost Andrei Kirilenko, the Jazz found themselves in a tough spot, scrambling to look for another replacement.

With the 2nd game of the series, coming in Monday night, several D-leaguers were anxious to get a spot on the Jazz roster; They got bad news however because the Jazz had already made the decision they were going to sign some guy they saw walking down the street on the way to the arena.

“I have an eye for talent, and I know that 7 foot tall gentleman out there can grab rebounds and block shots” said the team president. No one knew his name but they apparently didn’t need to. We were able to track the lucky individual now turned Jazz player and ask him a few questions but unfortunately he didn’t speak English. He’s some big guy from Ukraine from what we were able to tell by looking at his passport.

Deron Williams, was outraged by the new signing, and wondered if management really wanted to shoot for a championship. Management, however, responded with laughter at his thought of Utah winning an NBA championship

Filed Under: .Headlines, NBA Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Top NFL prospects giving Al Davis rejection phone number

April 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Al DavisNEW YORK – In a move typically saved for girls to avoid giving a guy her real phone number, some rookies in this year’s NFL draft are giving Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis a phone number that lets the caller know that they are not interested. This way, if Davis attempts to call them on draft day, and automated recording will let him know that they are not interested in playing for him, and do not want him to have their real contact information.

Former Oklahoma State wide receiver Dez Bryant is credited with first pulling off the move, fearing that he is one of Davis’ favorite prospects.

“Let’s be honest,” said Bryant, “We all know ol’ Al loves him some speedy wide receivers. I don’t want to immediately ruin my career by starting with the Raiders, so I thought it’d be funny to give him the rejection number so he can’t call me on draft day.”

Eric Berry, former Tennessee stand out defensive back, quickly followed Bryant’s lead.

“When I heard about what Dez did, I thought it was a fantastic idea. I was worried that Al would realize it was the same number, but his ancient ass had no clue.”

Oakland Raiders management is working on getting a phone with large keys, so Davis can attempt to contact his sections on draft day.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NFL Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Survey: Glove wearing decreased by 45%

April 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Birmingham- A poll conducted by ‘total football 180′ has revealed that the amount of premier league footballers wearing gloves during games has decreased by 45%. Although glove wearing normally decreases this time of the year, this has been the most rapid decrease so far this decade. Some radicals suggest that the warm weathering conditions are the reason, after the players endured such a Baltic winter the recent sunshine has allowed them to be able to remove their winter gloves but these renegades are laughed at by the majority of haleologists(Manchester United goal keeper Edwin Van Der Sar admitted that he was wearing gloves underneath is requisite goalkeeping gloves ), who are the primary researchers in the field of glove wearing amongst sports stars. Avid glove fan Thierry Henry however still refuses to remove his gloves in fear of people seeing his red hand.

Filed Under: .Headlines, FOOTBALL/SOCCER
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