DETROIT- Former number one draft pick, Kwame Brown twittered the headline players of the free agent draft to meet with them this summer about possible destination for their future nba careers but the response?…nothing.
kwame brown unable to realise why other free agents do not wish to meet with him
May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
New Nets Owner yet to be convinced that free agents are not actually free
May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
NEW JERSEY- After a brief front office meeting, newest Nets owner, Mikhail Prokorov, stormed out of the meeting rooms in anger after a disagreement over free agents. We were unable to get a word from him but a spokesman for the team at the meeting explained that there was a disagreement on what a free agent actually is.
We were baffled and demanded more explanation. Another team source at the meeting summarized the minutes, explaining that the meeting started off well until Prokorov said he cannot believe Lebron is going to be free. Another official corrected him saying “you mean ‘a Free Agent?’ but Prokorov insisted he was right to begin with. “I know he’s a FREE agent, that’s what i said, and I have good persuasion skills. We’ll save a lot money bringing James on board! See I was smart by taking over this team.”
The argument within the closed doors escalated at that point over the explanation of the term ‘free agent’. Prokorov didn’t want to hear he’d have to actually spend money to bring in Lebron, if he were interested. Apparently his plan to acquire Lebron, Wade, and Stoudamire have backfired on him and once he realizes how the NBA actually works, Nets fans may have to purchase more paper bags for this upcoming season.
Cavs Owner fined by league offices for having thoughts about Lebron
May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
CLEVELAND – As one of the GM’s walked to his car after a board meeting, he couldn’t help but glance at the outside walls of the Gund Arena. The side of the wall he was looking at was draped in an oversized poster of Lebron spreading his arms. The GM, Gus Johnson, then inhaled deeply and exhaled relieving some stress in the process. As he murmured under his breath about hoping Lebron stayed, secret agents quickly dispersed out of the dark corners of the street.
One of them yelled at Mr. Johnson and ordered him to step away from his vehicle and put his hands on his head. A scared and confused Johnson immediately obeyed every command but inquired about the commotion and felt innocent. One of the secret agents kindly explained that there had been orders from Mr. Stern himself to make sure nobody talks about or even thinks about Lebron James before the Free Agency period begins.
Johnson exclaimed that this was preposterous because he never said anything about Lebron. The agents then explained further that, there have been tracking devices that record conversations and thoughts installed on every GM. So far Cuban, Kerr, that guy from Atlanta, and now you have been caught. Every other GM has been careful about having any thoughts about Lebron.
Johnson still couldn’t’ believe what he was hearing and said he’s going to need a lawyer to counter sue stern for $25,000. We will cover more on this story should there be any more developments.
Fulham & Pompey bemused as to why there was no fairy tale ending
May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
LONDON & PORTSMOUTH- This weekend two Cinderella stories closed without a happy ending in story for Cinderella as if prince charming found someone else with the same shoe size. It began on Thursday night when fair play award winners Fulham had some how managed to beat of some of the best secondary competition in Europe including Italian giants Juve to make it all the way to the Europa Finals only to be kicked out in extra time by Spaniards Atheltico Madrid.
The second part of our story ended yesterday in Wemebly where poverty stricken and last place relegated side Portsmouth battled Premier League champions Chelsea, in a first versus last F.A. cup final and just when you thought they might do it by being given a penalty kick they end up missing.
Both teams managers where in awe as if it was some sick prank, all the other teams in the competition’s had played on them had come into effect. Roy Hodgson was last seen physically shaken as he received his sliver medal and had to be restrained by security as he tried to strangle Michel Plantini.
Adidas to create new world cup soccer ball out of cotton
May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
SOUTH AFRICA- Due to the recent uproar on many world cup players’ dislike for the newest ball, an Adidas spokesman publically commented today that Adidas has taken all the negative feedback into consideration and have created the newest model to symbolize everyone of the players who took the time to critique the ball.
“We at Adidas, believe that the customer is always right, and we wouldnt be where we are today without them.” said the spokesman as he brought out a new prototype ball released by Adidas. “This will be our new ball, there’s more control, less painful on the feet, and it just feels so darn good you’d wanna play without shoes on” he added.
Many players couldnt’ believe what they just heard and thought it was a joke. The Adidas spokesman however never cracked a smile, which makes him look as serious as possible. This was sudden news to alot of the players but they couldnt’ gather their thoughts together and make a formal agreement to be heard due to their inability to understand each other’s languages.
When they get a universal translator to decipher what they all think, we will cover more on this story.
Minor leaguers upset by newest helmet styles not matching their purses
May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
SYRACUSE – After a Saturday afternoon game, the Norfolk Tides had a team meeting regarding not only the game they lost but the elmets that they’ve been required wear due to a recent league-wide mandate. For starters, league office has passed a decision to enforce safety from concussions by requiring players to wear a larger version of the helmets they wear now.
Several players not only on the Tides but across the league and onto the MLB has stressed that it doesn’t make them feel comfortable when they look in the mirror. Some who chose not to be named have complained that it lowers their self esteem and makes them feel like little guys again.
The commissioner of the league has called the complaints ridiculous and has stressed that safety is much more of a higher priority than what you look like when batting. He declined to comment more on the negativity around the league regarding the new helmets although he did mention that Turner’s comments about the helmets disturbed him. Turner of the Norfolk Tides commented the style of the batting helmet is incompatible with his favorite purse. “If I’m going to be televised, I want to look my best out there” said Turner.
Local Cleveland man quick to remind everybody that he is actually from Boston
May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
CLEVELAND – Following the Cleveland Cavaliers disappointing exit from the 2010 NBA playoffs at the hands of the Boston Celtics, local man and huge Cavaliers and LeBron James fan Mike Mestrick, 28, was quick to point out to all his friends, family, and co-workers that he is actually from Boston. Not long after watching the the Cavaliers lose game 6 at a downtown Cleveland sports bar, Mestrick was witnessed taking off his #23 James throwback jersey and tossing it in a city garbage can. Mestrick, like most douche-bag Boston fans, wants everybody to know that he still supports his hometown team.
“I support the Cavs since I live here, but I gotta stay loyal to Boston, show everybody where I am from, especially if they are winning,” said Mestrick.
Even though he moved to Cleveland when he was four, and spent the majority in his life in the downtown area, Mestrick has no problem abandoning his local teams when a Boston team is doing well.
“You know if one of my hometown teams is winning I gotta get behind them. When the Patriots were in the Super Bowl I had to dust off my Tony Eason jersey that I got for Christmas as a kid, and not let any other Patriots fans know that I am Browns season ticket holder,” explained the transplanted Bostonian. “I just like to root for a winner, everybody knows that in Cleveland that doesn’t ever happen.”
Expect Mestrick to ditch his Indians gear and pull out his old Wade Boggs jersey this fall if Red Sox make a push towards the World Series.
Opposing pitcher falls asleep while facing Mariners
May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
ST. PETERSBURG – Ken Griffey Jr. is not the only one falling asleep these days during Mariners games.
On Sunday, Tampa Bay Rays pitcher Matt Garza fell asleep while actually pitching to the Seattle line-up. Facing a line-up that ranks near the bottom in almost every offensive statistical category, Garza managed to pitch to the Mariners while catching a nap in the middle of the game. Garza believes he fell asleep sometime during the second inning, and didn’t wake up until allowing a run to score in the sixth.
“I remember the first inning that is for sure, I was excited for the start of the game,” explained Garza. “However, next thing I know it is the sixth inning, we’re down 1-0, and (catcher) Dioner (Navarro) comes out the the mound telling me to wake up, and that I’ve been sleeping for nearly four innings”
Tampa Bay Manager Joe Maddon was impressed with his performance.
“I’ve seen a few players in my time in this game that I thought were good enough to play this game in their sleep, I didn’t think I’d ever actually see it done, that is simply amazing!”
Seattle players were baffled by Garza’s performance.
“We didn’t want to be rude and wake him up, that wouldn’t be nice. Besides, he was pitching one helluva game.” said catcher Josh Bard. “But Michael Sanders RBI in the sixth inning was a bit loud, and we accidentally woke him up.”
Garza was removed from the game after six innings with his team actually down 1-0, but the Rays were about to mount two late runs for the comeback win.
“I’m glad I didn’t get tagged with the loss in that one,” said Garza. “That may have looked bad.”
AP officially renames DROY award as Defensive Roider of the Year
May 13, 2010 By Leave a Comment
HOUSTON – As the results of the re vote for Texans DB Brian Cushing was announced yesterday, there was no doubt there were still mixed feelings on the issue of him retaining the award. Cushing has been known for his defensive prowess this past season as a rookie, amassing over 100 tackles. Initially, Cushing won the vote in a landslide with Redskins DE Brian Orakpo coming in second. After the re vote, Orakpo had 13 while Cushing had 18.
“It was a lot closer but still didn’t turn out how we expected” commented a source from the Associated Press. Several media pundits were clearly upset at the outcome as well. John Clayton, of ESPN was one of the most notables. It was clear he voted against having Cushing keep the award and was so vehement about the results that he was rumored to inject some HGH substances into his head. He declined being rushed to a medical facility later on however, as he confessed that it gives him an edge over his colleagues on dishing out creative articles.
AP declined to comment on the results but quickly issued a statement that they will re name the award to Defensive Roider of the Year. They said the reasoning behind it was to keep the acronym the same and at the same time stay true to the nature of the award as the voters saw fit.
We will cover this story more if there are any more developments.
Shaq to donate $1000 to Make-a-Wish Foundation for every free-throw he makes
May 13, 2010 By Leave a Comment
CLEVELAND – After a gut-wrenching game 5 loss, the cavaliers now stand at a 3 – 2 disadvantage against Boston. In turn, the media has taken jabs at Cleveland for turning in a sub par effort on their homecourt. However, Shaquille O’neal, an experienced player in the playoffs has done his effort to dry up the dampened spirits in Cleveland.
Earlier on Wednesday, Shaq announced that he promises to donate to charity in hopes to put a smile on everyone’s faces. Local cleveland fans thought this was a sweet thing of him to do. Lately, Shaq has been making the news but in a negative light. So far this year, he has been known to put on wigs and sing in the mirror, squabble with young players about nicknames and in previous years he’s been known for publically asking LA Laker Kobe Bryant how his ass tastes.
This time around, Shaq was quoted at a public press conference saying “Cleveland should smile again, remember the little kids, they are our future and they shouldn’t be overlooked because of basketball. Basketball is just a game, but these kids are our future.” Mothers in the crowd became teary eyed, but for a different reason.
After Shaq claimed he will donate $1000 to the Make-a-Wish foundation for every free throw he makes, the crowd of fans gasped in disbelief. “We just got fooled man!” said a crowd spectator, “how does he expect this to impact the foundation?” Another member commented that Shaq should’ve just written a check because we know he has enough money to support the charity well without putting a dent in his wallet.
The fans are mainly worried because he is known for missing free throws at an incredibly low rate. Some fans still remain optimistic, hoping he really does have a kind heart and this will motivate him to work on his free throws. Shaq did decline comment after a member suggested he donates to charity for every free throw he misses.
