Illegal Phoenix Suns fans to be detained, true fan count down to 20

sunsfanPHOENIX- As fans rioted the streets Sunday evening, the general consensus was that there was another public protest about the latest law regarding immigration in Arizona. There is a new law that gives police in Arizona the legal authority to inquire about anyone’s immigration status and have them show proof if by any means they look suspicious to the officer. However, Deputy Tom Branston, one of the officers standing guard pointed out there wasn’t any indication of protest but rather celebration.

Apparently, as soon as game 4 ended, the street of Phoenix fell onto an uproar as many fans left their house and ran naked onto the streets. Branston commented, “It was crazy, there was even this bandwagon that rolled out empty in the middle of Mesa road, downtown; before you knew it, like 30 people jumped in and took off!” Some local Suns fans were overheard saying that they’ve finally won it all. One fan in particular, whose name we couldn’t get yelled, ‘we’re the 2010 Champions baby! whooo!’. After we informed him that they’d still have to face the winner of the utah-lakers game and then face the champion of the Eastern conference afterwards, he had a look of horrid disbelief on his face.

More authorities had to step in when things got a bit riled up and stores started being burned down. They took the opportunity to demand proof of residency in Arizona to over 200 riot participants and ended up arresting roughly 180. It turned out they didn’t really live in Arizona and they were previously fans of other teams like Dallas and Oklahoma City.

Myron Rolle to legally change name to Rick Rolle

myronrolleFLORIDA- Myron Rolle yet made another big announcement today that raised the titan fan’s eyebrow again. During a local interview, Rolle corrected the reporter who called his name by saying he would now like to be addressed as Rick, and not Myron. The reporter asked why, and Rolle responded, “because I don’t want people to think I’m a person that gives up my dreams or lets people down. Just because of my latest media reports, people still shouldn’t think I’m just going to run around or desert them. ”

We weren’t going to interview Rolle but after hearing that response, we felt it was rofljock worthy. The younger reporters giggled at his wit but the older reporters including the interviewer apparently didn’t get the irony. The interviewer then followed up with, “but what does that have to do with being called Rick? Your name would be Rick Rolle?”. Rolle just smiled, and ignored the reporter, picking up his ‘advanced practices in medicine’ encyclopedia and reading while huming to the tune of Rick Astley’s “Never gonna give you up”.

Hoping to lead league in arrests, Bengals sign Pacman Jones

Pacman-JonesCINCINNATI – After a down year in amount of arrests, the Cincinnati Bengals have agreed to terms on a two-year contract with troubled cornerback Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones. Since he was drafted in 2005, he has been arrested six times and suspended by the league, making it difficult for him to stay on the field. Cincinnati is hoping that by signing him, they will be able to have more players behind bars than any other team.

“We have an expectation to live up to here in Cincinnati,” said head coach Marvin Lewis. “Fans expect our players to get arrested at least a few times during the year. We hope with the addition of Pacman, we hope that we’ll be able to meet those expectations.”

Cincinnati also signed troubled wide receiver Matt Jones in February, who is still facing a suspension from the NFL after a cocaine possession charge. Late in the 2009 season, they added running back Larry Johnson, who has also had his run-ins with the law since entering the league in 2003. Cedric Benson, another Bengals running back was arrested in 2008 for allegedly boating while intoxicated.

With the addition of Matt Jones and Pacman Jones, to go along with Johnson and Benson, owner Mike Brown is excited about the possibilities, “We’re stoke about the talent we’ve brought in here. Not only can these guys perform, but they’ve got proven track records with the law. Our fans shouldn’t be shocked this season when a few of our guys get arrested.”

The Bengals are hoping to get a head start on the league by having at least one player arrested before they open training camp on July 31.

After perfect game, Dallas Braden upset with teammates for celebrating on mound

97516552JJ004_Tampa_Bay_RayOAKLAND – Despite throwing only the 19th perfect game in Major League history to lead his team to a 4-0 win over the Tampa Bay Rays on Mother’s Day, Oakland Athletics pitcher was upset with his teammates for celebrating on the mound after the final out was recorded.

“That is my mound!” Braden told reporters after the game. “The perfect game is nice and all, but I don’t appreciate how my teammates think they can just come up to my mound and jump around and celebrate on it like they did any work on it.”

In late April, Braden had a dust up with Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez when Rodriguez broke one of baseball’s many unwritten rules by crossing over the dirt portion of the mound on his way back the dugout. At the time he could be seen yelling emphatically, “this is my mound,” at Rodriguez.

“First A-Rod walks over my mound, now my own team has turned on me.” said Braden.

His teammate’s were shocked by his comments.

“We were all so happy just to be part of his perfect game. It is a rare and amazing accomplishment. We didn’t know he’d even get mad at us for celebrating with him after the game,” said third baseman Kevin Kouzmanoff.

It first perfect game in A’s history since ‘Catfish’ Hunter’s masterpiece in 1968.

Radio chatter of plans to run on baseball field intercepted by local security intelligence

taserST2006_468x342PHILADELPHIA – Latest news reports have featured a Phillies fan getting tased by stadium security and another getting subdued after they both ran on the field during a baseball game.

Critics across the states have been harsh on the violence executed by the police department by the tasing, deeming it unnecessary because the fan wasn’t armed. The police chief hasn’t let up on his stance though, saying the officer did everything withing the rule book and didn’t violate any code nor cross the line by tasing the fan. Infact, he has even boasted that they’ve stepped up efforts lately with their security at the stadium, calling them a ‘top of the line’ staff.

He then played some radio chatter for us that was intercepted before last nights game. It was a cell phone call between another kid and his dad asking him if it was OK for him to run across the field. “Our agents identified the kid before the game started and detained him immediately.” The security has clearly taken a no nonsense approach to protecting the players from the fans. There are snipers perched across the top of the stadium now and they will be there each game for the remainder of the season. Their contracts though only lasts until August, which we found kind of odd, as if the Phillies don’t plan to have any games during the post season.

Desean Jackson’s Mcnabb comments a result of Terrell Owens’ voodoo

terrell-owensPHILADELPHIA – After public comments berating Donovan Mcnabb were issued by Eagles WR, DeSean Jackson, the media took every opportunity to probe on the issue as to why Jackson would say these things about Donovan after he got traded to the Redskins. To speak for everyone, we were all under the impression there was a mutual feeling in the Eagles locker room as the team appeared to click well during the 2009 – 2010 season.

Jackson didn’t want to add anymore fuel to the fire after he had realized how big of a story this would be in the media but he did mention that this wasn’t all his idea. As a matter of fact, after watching events unfold in retrospect as broadcast by ESPN, Jackson exclaimed he doesn’t even remember saying a word of what was reported and this ought to be false. He did get convinced we weren’t lying though after he saw video of his interview on TV as well; he couldn’t deny it was him.

Being the good media folks that we are, we decided to help the poor young receiver find out what sort of condition or sorcery may have possessed him to make such comments against one of the most perennial and mature pro-bowlers to ever grace this sport. After deep thought, our staff members looked at each other at the same time and said, “T.O.”

I had placed a call to Terrell Owens after the Jackson interview, and asked if had anything to do with it. Owens just laughed and said he was bored and just wanted to spice up the NFL in the news again. We asked why Owens would do such a thing and why he would still take jabs at McNabb this late. Owens just laughed and repeated again that he was bored and that he enjoys seeing his prior quarterbacks fail. We mentioned to Owens that he didnt’ seem to have any beef toward Trent Edwards or J.P. Losman when he was still WR for the Bills. Owens replied in a text message saying “LOL! do you think i could bring their careers down any further? they sucked already.. there was nothing i could possibly do to make them look worse”. We had also asked Owens where and when he learned how to possess other receivers, and Owens replied that it was a skill he had been working on in the offseason and that he will use that to his arsenal when next he plays ball. “The whole catching footballs thing is getting old and I want to bring a new element to the game. I’ll make defenders shit their pants while trying to chase me, it will really throw them off” replied Owens.

This may well be a very interesting 2010 – 2011 football season.

Atlanta Hawks hoping to make lottery pick position with playoff losses against Orlando

atlanta-hawksATLANTA- After their latest loss by quadruple digits, the Hawks FO issued a statement this morning saying that they hope they’re helping their chances of landing a young rookie in the draft lottery this upcoming offseason. Nothing seems to be going well for Atlanta in this series they have against Orlando as they’re down 3-0 and have probably been outscored a total of 423 points to 46.

“We’ve asked Joe Johnson, Josh Smith and Al Horford to start bricking and air-balling shots and they’ve followed our command. We know what we’re doing, we have another trick rolled up our sleeve this season” said a spokesperson for the Hawks. Jamal Crawford on the other hand, clearly seems to have an issue with what they’re trying to accomplish here. He’s been their leading scorer while coming off the bench, however Bibby who claimed he hadn’t gotten the memo didn’t seem to have an issue with it because he always bricks shots.

When reached for comment, Orlando Magic’s Dwight Howard, responded that he knows the Hawks are better than what they’ve shown and that he thinks something is not right with the organization. He also said he wondered why he hasn’t been getting fouled out. Dwight then proceeded to make funny faces and impressions even though we didn’t ask him to.

We informed the Hawks that the lottery and draft pick positions had already been set but our words reached deaf ears as they’ve started receiving orders for Evan Turner jerseys.

hey kidz

hi.. whats new..

just came by to acknowledge what’s been one of my least productive weeks ever.. (no stories and no new video of the week) after one of my most productive weeks ever (all stories written by me).. so one can say we’re even.. right?

anyway.. ive been sick today.. yes the day i was going to announce that we’re going to start updating biweekly now.. so i’ll just announce it.. errm.. right now..

we’re going to be putting out new stories twice a week… Look for new stories every Monday and Thursday. There will still only be one ‘video of the week’ and the stories on thursday would not block out the ones written on Monday.

Either way just log on and read the damn stories!

What else? Oh yeah… Sports related stuff.. let’s get to it..

It’s no secret my team, the Spurs, are getting their asses beat right now. This gives the average Suns fan a boner I can tell.. i don’t blame them.. beating the Spurs in the playoffs alone is an achievement in itself..

which other spurs fan enjoyed it as much as i did when we started getting blunders like Richard Jefferson traveling and Tim Duncan missing a layup :D ?

Anyways.. who caught the Orlando / Atlanta game? No not the first game where Atlanta got their asses handed to, but the second game where Atlanta got their asses handed to. Seriously, should this even be considered a playoff series? This is the worst showing, of talent disparity between the top seeds and the bottom in the East. Or should I say, the best showing? Somehow I have a feeling Milwaukee would’ve given Orlando a tougher run… This is the same Milwaukee that surprised me when I actually heard they were in the playoffs; I had no idea they were doing that well. They took Atlanta to 7 games without their star player, that alone is shameful of Atlanta in itself. They shouldn’t deserve to win. At this point, it’d be a paradox seeing Atlanta win one game against the Magic. If they did, it’d probably be a buzzer beater desperation fullcourt shot. On a side note.. in a couple of weeks, i’m going to be participating on a 3 on 3 basketball tournament. I talk all this smack about NBA players, lets see if i can walk the walk. I’ll provide pics and video :D .

OK back to the site.. Can anyone like write my co authors a letter or post a comment here begging them to put their 2 cents on anything on their blogs? I’m kinda getting tired of brushing up the cobwebs on their pages. This is what i saw when I went back to PBeezy’s blog for example.

Oh yeah.. another thing.. the funny cats at slamdumb.com gave me a knee slapper the other day. Check it out

They’re good guys over there.. haha-larious as i like to say.. check out their other comics and articles also.

Wow.. I must say that’s a good load of basketball talk in one sitting.. especially on a site that claims to cover a lot of sports and not just basketball.. can’t help it.. we’re just basketball heads. It’s what’s being shoved down our throats from the media the most right now. That, and baseball.. we don’t have much baseball prowess right now but we’re trying.

Our favorite team, the Oakland Raiders made headlines by cutting former #1 overall pick, Jamarcus Russell.

Russell: father forgive them.. for they know not what they do..

Yeah I know, the highest achievement by Jamarcus is being the #1 overall pick. I mean, I admire this guy. He’s smart as hell. He totally Rick Astley’d the Raiders organization by impressing them to the point they picked him over 300 other athletes that year. Hey they needed a quarterback.. you can’t blame them for picking him over players like Calvin Johnson, Patrick Willis and Adrian Peterson. Brady Quinn was the next best QB available and he’s had a better career than Russell. See, I say Russel’s smart because after holding out big time to get that max contract of whatever it was, I believe he got immediately to investing that money, because, I mean.. be serious.. he got a 68 million dollar contract.. imagine what you and i could do with that money. I sure as hell wouldn’t wanna risk getting hurt out there when I already got my money in the bank.Hell.. I’d do what Jamarcus did even if i got a 10 thousand dollar contract instead.. get drafted.. sign the contract.. and then..tank the career.. He probably lives in some nice two bedroom apartment that has rent like 650 bucks a month. Russel is set. Maybe he may have more things to do on his free time like play football or something..

anyways.. I’m all out of blog ideas now.. how was that? I’m still getting used to this blogging thing.. It’s new.. work with me here.. I’ll try to get more stuff out there.. blogs n’ stories n’ whatever else you can possibly find on this site.. feel free to post a comment below.. let me know if my audience actually consists of real human beings.. I’m already a hit with the spambots..

alright.. over and out..

-Seb

Bryant willing to help Durant on shot selection during the summer

KobeBryant
Kobe Bryant- Not impressed

OKLAHOMA- Los Angeles Lakers guard and last years finals MVP Kobe Bryant questioned Kevin Durant’s poor shot selection as the reason for the Thunders game 6 and overall series loss to the Lakers last Friday. ” If you watch the game they made a great run for such a young team but one thing that really stuck out was KD’s shot selection, it was pedestrian at best. Some of those shots he was taking i was like WTF, dude you want us to win, it’s a shame how some players just care about scoring lots at the expense of their own team, quiet disappointing really.”.

“You need to know when to pass and when to score. I admit it’s one of the hardest things to learn when to pass and when to score, luckily for me i was just born with it. For example during those first two games after missing my 30th shot i figured maybe i should give the ball to Gasol or Bynum cause you know their a bit taller than the guys marking them maybe they there might be some kind of mis match there but not everyone would have noticed that as quickly as a superstar such as myself”.

“Also another think that dude has got to work on is his clothing choices, seriously that dude gets paid how much and he buying shit from Wal Mart, who does he think he is Tim Duncan…ain’t no way he playing on the Olympic team like that, taking our swagger down thats for sure”. It is reported that Durant has hired Dwayne Wade as a fashion consultant and has lined up many shopping sessions during the summer in an attempt to gain back some respect from his favorite player.

Change of heart: Raiders keep JaMarcus Russell, move him to guard

Raiders Camp FootballOAKLAND – In an effort to get some kind production out of their 2007 first overall pick, the Oakland Raiders have announced that they will not release JaMarcus Russell and plan to use him at the guard position starting in training camp. With the draft day acquisition of quarterback Jason Campbell, and Russell reporting to the team’s mini-camp at nearly 300 pounds, the team believes that Russell will be able to help teams struggling offensive line.

“His skill set at this time is now better suited for an interior offensive lineman,” said head coach Tom Cable. “His accuracy, and mobility as a quarterback can’t cut it in this league. However, he does have great size and strength that fits well at the guard position.”

Russell finished the 2009 NFL season ranked last among quarterbacks in quarterback rating, touchdowns, passing yards, and completion percentage.

Owner Al Davis is thrilled about the decision.

“When I drafted JaMarcus in 2007 I knew I had selected a player that would be able to vastly improve this team. He gave us three great years at quarterback, now he is being a team player and accepting the position change in order to help our struggling offensive line,” he said.

Russell will challenge current starters Robert Gallery and Cooper Carlisle for a starting spot when training camp opens for Oakland in July.