Fans eagerly await free agency in anticipation of what team they will support next season

NEW YORK- Brian Jenkins a local new yorker and for the past five years a Cleveland Cavilers fan, says the anticipation of the looming free agency is killing him. Officially teams are allowed to court unrestricted free agency and attempt to lure them to their teams following the establishment of the salary cap which is set to be released on July 8th. Jenkins states though that he can not wait another minute let alone another 9 days. ” I honestly don’t think there is a bigger cavs fan in the world than me, I even got the mascot tattooed on my calf’s, when Mo decided to head to Hawai during the playoff series with the Celtics i cried, like physically cried but if Lebron leaves then i guess i’m going to have to start supporting a new team”. When questioned if he was a bigger cavs fan than those long term fans in Ohio, Jenkins retorted ” What the hell is an Ohio” after proceeding to point Ohio out on a map Jenkins confirmed that he always believed Ohio to have always been apart of Indiana. After being asked why he would desert the team that he beloved so much, Jenkins supported his claims stating that ” Why would i follow a team that has never do anything bar have LeBron James on it?”.

Similar scenes where reported in Toronto Where a mass migration has been taken place with half the citizens going to Illinois while the other half have fled to Florida.

Brazilian squad to star in Kim Jong Il’s latest film as payment for only beating PRK 2-1

SOUTH AFRICA- The entire 30 man Brazilian squad will have starring roles in North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il’s latest cinema masterpiece. The starring roles were given to the Brazilian team, as payment for giving a humbling performance against North Korea in their 2-1 victory. Many soccer experts had projected a much higher score from the highest rank team in the tournament and many people watching the match may have felt that Brazil had been over rated by the media but a post game press conference by Brazilian coach, Dunga stated that Kim Jong Il offered the team new opportunities within the filming industry which they could not turn down. Current Brazilian star, Robhino believes that his career could mirror Pele’s who starred in the movie ‘Victory’ with this latest development.

England to follow diet of 60′s cup winning team

englishfoodSOUTH AFRICA- A brief trip to the kitchen of the English national team merely hours before their first game with USA was a starling contrast to the dietary supplements of all the other teams in the tournament this year. England coach Fabio Capello was interviewed by a number of worried British reporters as to why the team had switched from the current healthy diet to a variety of fatty foods. Capello responded with this following assessment ” A lot of pressure has been put on me to win the world cup this year, but the English must realize that they have only one this competition once in about twenty attempts!” Fabio continued ” A lot of study went into how that team won the cup back in the sixty’s and we have replicated the information available as much as humanly possible. First we started with the jersey’s they were like for like and now we are following with a diet plan”. In training the English camp looked quiet sluggish to their normal energetic selves but Capello laughed off all comments stating that ” Wayne Rooney has being using this diet regime since he began playing football so the others should be alright too”.

kwame brown unable to realise why other free agents do not wish to meet with him

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DETROIT- Former number one draft pick, Kwame Brown twittered the headline players of the free agent draft to meet with them this summer about possible destination for their future nba careers but the response?…nothing.

Fulham & Pompey bemused as to why there was no fairy tale ending

Brede-Hangeland-Fulham-FCLONDON & PORTSMOUTH- This weekend two Cinderella stories closed without a happy ending in story for Cinderella as if prince charming found someone else with the same shoe size. It began on Thursday night when fair play award winners Fulham had some how managed to beat of some of the best secondary competition in Europe including Italian giants Juve to make it all the way to the Europa Finals only to be kicked out in extra time by Spaniards Atheltico Madrid.

The second part of our story ended yesterday in Wemebly where poverty stricken and last place relegated side Portsmouth battled Premier League champions Chelsea, in a first versus last F.A. cup final and just when you thought they might do it by being given a penalty kick they end up missing.

Both teams managers where in awe as if it was some sick prank, all the other teams in the competition’s had played on them had come into effect. Roy Hodgson was last seen physically shaken as he received his sliver medal and had to be restrained by security as he tried to strangle Michel Plantini.

Bryant willing to help Durant on shot selection during the summer

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Kobe Bryant- Not impressed

OKLAHOMA- Los Angeles Lakers guard and last years finals MVP Kobe Bryant questioned Kevin Durant’s poor shot selection as the reason for the Thunders game 6 and overall series loss to the Lakers last Friday. ” If you watch the game they made a great run for such a young team but one thing that really stuck out was KD’s shot selection, it was pedestrian at best. Some of those shots he was taking i was like WTF, dude you want us to win, it’s a shame how some players just care about scoring lots at the expense of their own team, quiet disappointing really.”.

“You need to know when to pass and when to score. I admit it’s one of the hardest things to learn when to pass and when to score, luckily for me i was just born with it. For example during those first two games after missing my 30th shot i figured maybe i should give the ball to Gasol or Bynum cause you know their a bit taller than the guys marking them maybe they there might be some kind of mis match there but not everyone would have noticed that as quickly as a superstar such as myself”.

“Also another think that dude has got to work on is his clothing choices, seriously that dude gets paid how much and he buying shit from Wal Mart, who does he think he is Tim Duncan…ain’t no way he playing on the Olympic team like that, taking our swagger down thats for sure”. It is reported that Durant has hired Dwayne Wade as a fashion consultant and has lined up many shopping sessions during the summer in an attempt to gain back some respect from his favorite player.

Melo brags about 4 ft fish he caught after the Nuggets go fishin’

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DENVER- Carmelo Anthony and the Denver Nuggets went fishing this weekend after being eliminated from the playoffs by the Utah Jazz, veteran point guard Chauncey Billups admitted that it was one of the highlights of an uneventful year, where for the first time in seven consecutive years he did not make a conference final ” Yeah the fishing trip went really well, i swear it might have been the first time we have actually bonded together as a team”. The highlight of the trip however went to franchise player and perennial all star Carmelo Anthony who reports suggest caught a 4 foot long fish within evergreen lake.

J.R. Smith continuously tried to one up Melo, by going after a serious of enormous fishes who where far out of range but this did not stop Smith from trying. The day ended with a ball boy filling Nuggets forward Keynon Martins car full of fish to the amusement of the entire Denver team except for Martin himself.

Survey: Glove wearing decreased by 45%

Birmingham- A poll conducted by ‘total football 180′ has revealed that the amount of premier league footballers wearing gloves during games has decreased by 45%. Although glove wearing normally decreases this time of the year, this has been the most rapid decrease so far this decade. Some radicals suggest that the warm weathering conditions are the reason, after the players endured such a Baltic winter the recent sunshine has allowed them to be able to remove their winter gloves but these renegades are laughed at by the majority of haleologists(Manchester United goal keeper Edwin Van Der Sar admitted that he was wearing gloves underneath is requisite goalkeeping gloves ), who are the primary researchers in the field of glove wearing amongst sports stars. Avid glove fan Thierry Henry however still refuses to remove his gloves in fear of people seeing his red hand.

Howard to sit out second half of tonights game to update his facebook status

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ORLANDO- The Orlando Magic sit in second place tonight where they face the first placed LeBron James Cavilers, in a contest that could be seen as a potential eastern conference final for the second year running but with rumors that Cavs player/coach Lebron James not playing tonight, Dwight Howard has asked to also be sited out. Reluctantly Magic coach Stan Van Gundy has compromised telling his franchise player that he only has to play the first half. ” We know we’re going finish second just like the cavs know they’re going to finish first, so i don’t really see why any fans would be upset, other than paying a lot of money to see me but other than that is there any other reason” Howard said as he questioned the plethora of reporters at his presence. When questioned as to what the nature of his leisure time was, Howard replied “Emm i got some things to do update my facebook status, send a couple of emails plus Matt Barnes hit me up on twitter so i’m really dying to see what he said”.

Dwight leads the league in facebook updates as well as twitter replies, although taking time of during a potentially eying up game could be seen as stat padding from the big man’s part. Regardless Howard notched up his 25,0000 twit (editors note: Is that what it’s called) with the assist going to Jared Dudley who asked him what his favorite type of cheese was.

Lyon defeat Bordeaux after invading stadium


LYON- Lyon progressed into the semi finals of the Champions League last Tuesday, while a series of uncommon circumstances occurred six days prior to the match itself. The date Friday the 2nd of April and Lyon chairman Jean Michel Aulas has held a press conference in anticipation for Lyon