MANCHESTER- After beginning knocked out of the Champions League to Bayern Munich and pretty much handing the premier league to Chelsea, it seems more and more Manchester United fans are becoming Norwich City fans. A survey conducted by ROFLJOCK over the past month shows a steady increase in Yellow & Green scarfs begin worn by United fans at games at both Old Trafford and at away games such as yesterdays nil all draw with Blackburn. Since Norwich City are the only team that sport these two exact colours, the only hypothesis is that United fans have jumped on the bandwagon of the league one side, the question put forward is why?
Survey: More Man Utd fans inexplicably becoming Norwich City fans
April 12, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Burnley fans leave burnley game 6 mins in after realizing they
April 5, 2010 By 1 Comment
BURNLEY- After venturing out during tremendous rain storms this Saturday in anticipation for a cracking game of football at the Turf Moor, fans were shocked to realize what they were witnessing. The game Burnley Vs. Manchester City, the final result 6- 1 City. Within six minutes of kick off, many supporters who had only paid entrance fee a mere twenty minutes before hand had fled the stadium, City had scored three goals already within those six minutes but this is not the reason these loyal supports had left, nor was it the worsening weather conditions. It was in fact because they were viewing a Burnley game and not any other team in the five conferences in English football.
One of the many fans who had vacated his seat at this time John Sheffield a local carpenter, initially thought he was watching a Aston Villa Match but after realizing it was in fact Burnley he left immediately. ” That was quiet disturbing to watch” said the horrified Burnley native ” I can’t believe this town is actually allowed to have a football team”.
Ref sends Manchini & Moyes to the corner to think about what they
March 29, 2010 By Leave a Comment
LIVERPOOL- Manchester City
Nemanja Vidic continues preparation for UFC debut
March 29, 2010 By 1 Comment
MANCHESTER- Manchester United defender & avid fan of the street fighter franchise, Nemanja Vidic has been on a rigorous training regime for the past 8 months as seen by occasional acts of violence and disregard for human life during the United games he has participated in this past year and just recently during United
Inter Milan wall to be used in construction of new government building
March 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment
MILAN- After being so impressed by Internazionale defense with set pieces, Milan mayor Letizia Moratti has commissioned them to be apart of a new government building being created for the department of finance. “After watching watching how they were able to keep anything from passing them and going into the goal during both the Serie A & Champions League campaigns, the Milano government have agreed that along with a consortium of marble & concrete, they will be located at the front of the new deluxe complex”. ” We here in Italy only accept the best materials for purchase and the Italian government believe that this will be seen as a wise investment in future years as Italian defenses are notorious for aging graceful and lasting well longer than other European counterparts.”
The four defenders chosen were Javier Zanetti,Lucio,Macro Materazzi & Walter Samuel. When asked how they felt with spending their rest of their lives being part of a wall, all four unanimously agreed that what the Italian government were proposing was unethical but their pleas fell on deaf ears as they were escorted out of the San Siro and into a government facility where they were frozen in carbonate. Below is a rough representation of how we expect the players to look.
Rafa states he will stay off the pies for the latest promise that he won
March 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment
LIVERPOOL- Liverpool manager and lover off steak and kidney pies Rafa Benitez has promised to stay away from the beef filled pastry dish. This promise came moments after he also stated that Fernando Torres would not be sold this summer
These are not the first promises from the Spaniard this season. Half way through the Christmas & new years schedule Benitez exclaimed that Liverpool would finish within a champions league spot which is looking less and less likely as the scousers have hit a rough patch for the past number of weeks and pretty much the entire season.
Bentiez stated that he would put is career on the line with these promises even though the chances of them happening are becoming slimmer specifically the latest promise about pies. Although not a fan of British culture, Rafa is fond of the odd steak & kidney pie from time to time and has been known to cancel or cut training sessions short in order to pop down to the local food provider outside Anfield. This could be the main reason by Liverpool
Report: Fans vote Kobe & Lebron the greatest NCAA players ever
March 22, 2010 By 2 Comments
KANSAS- A sports survey conducted in the University of Kansas yesterday revealed that most basketball fans have no clue or recollection, as they voted Kobe Bryant & Lebron James as being the greatest NCAA players in the history of the tournament, despite neither player ever playing within the NCAA.
There were 150 participants selected, all personnel were members of the university and 65% chose either Kobe or Lebron as their number one candidate. After discovering this survey ROFLJOCK headed down to to see if this revelation was true and to our disbelief it was. After hunting down two or three of the people who were surveyed, we questioned them on why they picked Kobe and Lebron.
The first participant interviewed was George Khan, a student majoring in Law who when questioned with the original statement, responded as follows ” Well i was first gonna pick someone born in Kansas or a jayhawk like Wilt Chamberlain but when you see what Kobe & LeBron are doing in this day and age no one can compare to them. The second & third respondents merely shouted “Kobe Woooooooooooooo”, ” No Lebron is the king” the two then proceeded to beat each other up, resulting in us leaving swiftly. After examining the questionnaires, a familiar thread cropped up. All 65% of the students who choose Kobe or Lebron were all equal to or under the age of 20 years old, showing the frightening future that lays ahead for us.
Eva Longoria sick of Parkers floaters…in the toilet
March 15, 2010 By Leave a Comment
LOS ANGELES- Desperate Housewife actress and fun sized lover of french point guard Tony Parker has revealed to colleagues on set that a week into her husbands latest injury that he keeps leaving ‘floaters’ in the bathroom and that its a disgusting sight to see when she walks into one of the couples many water closets.
When drilled by his wife on the matter, parker hinted that because of his recent hand injury he can’t flush the commode and this has left his wife far from amused at the site of one of his infamous floaters. Many NBA fans have witnessed the majesty of Parkers floaters but Longoria states that there is nothing beautiful or entertaining about these sort of floaters.
” We got a lot of bathrooms in our mansion in San Antonio, so he often forgets to tell me which one he left his little surprise in. So a couple of times already the past week ive gone into one, sit down only to notice one floating around in there, the first time i throw up in my mouth a little” said the disturbed hollywood starlet.
She finished her intimate talk with cast & crew members saying that its worse when its in the main bathroom , next to their bedroom as the smell transfers into their room at night.
Darts magazine declares Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor greatest athlete of 21st Century
March 15, 2010 By 1 Comment
COLCHESTER- Darts magazine ‘Bullseye’ has declared Phil Taylor has the greatest athlete of the 21st century, within nine years of the centuries beginning. Taylor, pictured above is widely recongised as the greatest darts player ever to play the sport, Bulleyes editor Dave Wilson and a panel of experts employed by the magazine believe that Taylor is not only the best darts player ever but possibly the greatest athlete ever. ” Phil is definetly one of a kind, someone who comes along ever millennium and i think it’s time that the entire sporting world realises that”.
Although only ten years into the present century, Wilson exclaims that Taylor might as well already be giving the award as there presently no one near as athletic as him and also there probably wont be anyone that could compete with his atlethic prowess with the next one hundred years.
“You got your Lebron James’s, Manny Pacquiao’s, Lance Armstrong’s etc but when you compare how little training and technique they have as well as the natural born gifts and endurance needed for the sport of darts there really is no comparison or competition for that matter”.
