God starting to get upset at Maradona for not returning his hand

SOUTH AFRICA – Argentina has looked tough to beat so far in the world cup and they are starting to become favorites and gaining more trust from even local Argentinians themselves. After a dark cloud of doubt that surrounded their world cup roster their coach Diego Maradona is even demanding an apology for his critics [...]

Brazilian squad to star in Kim Jong Il’s latest film as payment for only beating PRK 2-1

SOUTH AFRICA- The entire 30 man Brazilian squad will have starring roles in North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il’s latest cinema masterpiece. The starring roles were given to the Brazilian team, as payment for giving a humbling performance against North Korea in their 2-1 victory. Many soccer experts had projected a much higher score [...]

Honda Motor Company non-cost advertising project in World Cup a success

SOUTH AFRICA – After a 94 minute match that ended with a 1 – 0 victory for Japan over Cameroon, many Japanese nationals breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was their first World Cup victory ever that did not take place in Japan, and they achieved it against one of the titan teams in [...]

England to follow diet of 60’s cup winning team

SOUTH AFRICA- A brief trip to the kitchen of the English national team merely hours before their first game with USA was a starling contrast to the dietary supplements of all the other teams in the tournament this year. England coach Fabio Capello was interviewed by a number of worried British reporters as to why [...]

Impatient American pee-er relieved to finally see a break at halftime

LOUISIANA- A first time viewer of soccer or as commonly known the beautiful game Zach Williams was the most relieved man on the planet once the first half of the Mexico & South Africa game ended. “i’m not gonna lie” said Williams ” I ain’t never watched one of those ‘Sawcar’ games before and just [...]

Fulham & Pompey bemused as to why there was no fairy tale ending

LONDON & PORTSMOUTH- This weekend two Cinderella stories closed without a happy ending in story for Cinderella as if prince charming found someone else with the same shoe size. It began on Thursday night when fair play award winners Fulham had some how managed to beat of some of the best secondary competition in [...]

Adidas to create new world cup soccer ball out of cotton

SOUTH AFRICA- Due to the recent uproar on many world cup players’ dislike for the newest ball, an Adidas spokesman publically commented today that Adidas has taken all the negative feedback into consideration and have created the newest model to symbolize everyone of the players who took the time to critique the ball.
“We at Adidas, [...]

Survey: Glove wearing decreased by 45%

Birmingham- A poll conducted by ‘total football 180′ has revealed that the amount of premier league footballers wearing gloves during games has decreased by 45%. Although glove wearing normally decreases this time of the year, this has been the most rapid decrease so far this decade. Some radicals suggest that the warm weathering conditions are [...]

Lyon defeat Bordeaux after invading stadium….literally

LYON- Lyon progressed into the semi finals of the Champions League last Tuesday, while a series of uncommon circumstances occurred six days prior to the match itself. The date Friday the 2nd of April and Lyon chairman Jean Michel Aulas has held a press conference in anticipation for Lyon’s weekend game against lille but instead [...]

Survey: More Man Utd fans inexplicably becoming Norwich City fans

MANCHESTER- After beginning knocked out of the Champions League to Bayern Munich and pretty much handing the premier league to Chelsea, it seems more and more Manchester United fans are becoming Norwich City fans. A survey conducted by ROFLJOCK over the past month shows a steady increase in Yellow & Green scarfs begin worn by [...]

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