The night was over quick but Lebron apparently still had some unfinished business. Apparently sources say that James had spilled some red wine over his suit that he brought to Minnesota and the stain was quite obvious. Part of the irony behind this situation was that as highly paid as James is, he didn’t have any change laying around to do laundry.

Late in the night, lucky bystanders got the rare opportunity to witness James parade around the hotel. “To be honest, we were wondering why he was walking around so freely in public. I usually expect an entourage around the guy” commented an employee of the hotel. Other colleagues in the hotel, said James shyly approached them asking for some change at the in-house laundromat. “He literally asked me in a low voice if I had a quarter. I said unfortunately no sir! but why would you need a quarter? You’re Lebron!” said George Richmond, another hotel guest staying at the time. Lebron further went on to explain that he needs to get some laundry done quickly and he’s missing a 4th quarter. As soon as James said this, he caught himself and expressed disappointment as nearby listeners couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

James, yet again had to deal with the jokes once more. “Never once would I think even T-Wolves fans could make fun of me.” muttered Lebron as he left the area. Lebron decided that instead of wasting his time looking for extra change, he would simply go to a nearby mall and get a new suit. Unfortunately, when Lebron arrived the jokes just kept on piling on.

Apparently, Lebron went into the store with a wallet 100 dollar bills. 3 of them to be exact. The only suit in the store that was his size was approximately $400. The store clerk then burst out in laughter because Lebron apparently forgot his fourth $100 bill. Lebron then decided to up the ante and pay by credit card. Failure ensued again however, when his card was declined. The clerk kindly called up his credit card customer service rep and was informed that Lebron’s services only carry a 75% spending limit per day and he would go over it by charging it for this sale. The rep and the clerk traded snide laughs afterwards acknowledging that he’s unable to use the remaining 25%, a quarter of his daily spending allowance.

At this point it was clear that James was outraged and decided to head back to the hotel. He couldn’t make it back in good time to catch his flight however because after he made 3 right turns on the trip, he got lost. After eventually finding his way back, he missed the flight by a quarter past take off hour and had to take the next one. He decided he’d at least take a shot at karma by signing autographs to some airport goers. Unfortunately after the 3rd signature he signed, his pen broke.

Lebron James finally caught a plane on standby and flew him back to Miami to catch up with the rest of the team. Finally getting some rest after a long night, he then realized he had left his fourth piece of luggage which contained another suit at his home the entire time.

Jones latest move to piecing the puzzle that is the Cowboys came in a news conference today. Jones announced that due to his numerous attempts at beefing up the roster only to come up short, he decided that he will get more involved in football operations by playing Quarterback. “I’ve played some good football in my time, and I understand the rules quite well, so I shouldn’t have any trouble getting acclimated to things.” Jones said.

Undoubtedly, many fans and team staff alike were shocked at the announcement. The PR spokesman for the Cowboys even said that Jones never consulted with him first before making this announcement. Initially thought of as a joke, Jones showed he meant business after releasing Stephen McGee immediately and donning his Cowboys Jersey that read “Jones” in the back. He also went the extra mile and proceeded to put on tights infront of the team. “It was kind of gross to be honest seeing his old grandpapa legs struggle to fit into the smallest football gear available” said Wide Receiver, Miles Austin.

Jason Garrett, the coach, stood by Jones’ decision wholeheartedly saying that if Jones thinks this move is right for the team then I’m 100% with it. Players like Demarcus Ware voiced displeasure when interviewed. “How can this team get any worse? Seriously. There’s no topping this. It’s like I came to the NFL to waste my talents. I’m beginning to think people don’t know who I am anymore.”

Tony Romo was also informed about this decision and commented that he hopes he does not lose his starting position at least because he has no where else to go. “I don’t even know why I’m still a starter on this team to be honest. Call me humble but I think Jones may have a better shot at finishing games than I do, but we’ll see.”

Jones plans to join the team in practice on Monday and play his first game in the playoffs.

DR officials had already made the offer but their president of sports operations admitted he had not known of Calipari’s past when it came to the recruitment accusations and vacated wins. “Actually, I thought he was clean as a whistle and we figured we’d better snatch this guy before team USA gets him!” commented President of Sports Operations, Juan Josue.  Juan, along with the rest of the DR still hopes Calipari isn’t there to indirectly recruit players for Kentucky as well. “I hate to say this but as days go by, I am beginning to think I made a mistake”, lamented Juan.

It’s no secret that the Madden franchise sales have reportedly been experiencing a steady decrease for the past few years, despite being the only video game on the market based on the NFL for the past 8 years. Johnston mentioned that the decrease in sales is only bulletin board material for adding more features to it in hopes their consumers would realize they’re actually doing something more than just roster updates. “This new and never before experienced CBA mode will not only give you an extra feature to occupy your time, but it will also educate our users on how the NFL works from a business point of view. It isn’t just about completing hail mary passes on 1-step drops anymore, we feel we can continue to break the barrier in NFL gaming today, even if it means educating our consumers for once.”

Despite the news, EA was still reluctant to provide any more details on what this CBA mode will include. There have been rumors that you will experience situations within the mode in which your judgement will be needed. Make the wrong judgement and you risk having an entire season under a lockout. There is even the possibility that you may experience multiple seasons of lockouts in a row, until you come to a compromise with the player and / or the owners. Basically, the longer the lockout exists, the more difficult it will be to come to a resolution. There is even footage of players like Chad Ochocinco in the game, lacing up his nike cleats and going out to play soccer in Spain instead.

Here’s to hoping another great game by EA Sports hits the shelves this summer.

“By any stretch of the imagination, it’s hard to believe we cannot find a worthy and interested NBA player to compete with Blake this all-star weekend, but that’s not the case” said league spokesman Tim Carter. What Carter is trying to get at is, since Blake is going to be competing in the same arena that his team,  the L.A. Clippers, play their home games, the league aims to make the competion slightly weaker and give the hometown dunker a hometown heroic flair. “It helps get the crowd into it. Especially a crowd like Los Angeles, I mean.. the NBA loves when L.A. wins anything because they like to show us their appreciation in such classy cheers and celebration.” added Carter.

Carter had left us wondering how they had came to their final decision and why it was so difficult to find players that didn’t appear to have such dunking prowess as displayed by Griffin. Additional sources to the league offices did explain that while Carter was right, there was great rift amongst who would be considered ‘less worthy candidates.’ Names like Earl Boykins and Yao Ming came up during the brainstorming session, but so did names like Snooki and Ted Williams, the homeless Cleveland guy. Some staff members still tried to push for major competition to cater to every NBA fan and not just L.A. by suggesting Lebron James and Dwyane Wade, but the final decision was still a work in progress. A day before the New Year hit, they had all decided to give the Disney network a tribute by calling up the Seven Dwarfs from the Disney tale, Snow White. The Dwarfs had all agreed except for Bashful because, well.. he was pretty bashful about the idea.

The deal with them was broken however because David Stern had stepped in before he had given final authorization. “While we want to globalize the NBA in this manner, we felt it was too soon to take such a drastic step. However, I love L.A. so I decided to cater to them and force Jevale McGee and Brandon Jennings to participate in this contest instead.” said Stern. We had understood Stern’s decision and wondered why Stern came up with those names so quick. He had replied that, he couldn’t stop laughing after Jevale’s ‘like mike’ moment when he tried to dunk from the freethrow line. He felt he’d reward him with another chance to make him self look ridiculous again, this time on national T.V. As far as Jennings, he only put him in there because he figured Jennings wouldn’t show up unless he was guaranteed he’d be in the final 2 spots. Stern added “This should be an easy contest for Blake. I believe we’ll have a good one this year”

Atlanta Hawks: We promise to stop making the East look more competitive than it really is.

Boston Celtics: We promise to acquire more star players on the team so we can show how much we mean business.

Charlotte Bobcats: We promise to live in Michael Jordan’s shadow from now on.

Chicago Bulls: We promise to make Derrick Rose the next T-Mac.

Cleveland Cavaliers: We STILL promise we’ll win a ring before Lebron James does.

Dallas Mavericks: We promise to prove to everyone that the regular season does matter.

Denver Nuggets: We promise to get George Karl a tattoo, thereby completing our entire roster with tattoos.

Detroit Pistons: We promise to act interested in the league again.

Golden State Warriors: We promise to score more points than our opponents.

Houston Rockets: We promise to acquire more injury prone players to fill out our roster.

Indiana Pacers: We promise diversify our roster by adding more Caucasian players.

Los Angeles Clippers: We promise to shed the Los Angeles image from our name

Los Angeles Lakers: We promise to shed the Clippers’ image from our game

Memphis Grizzlies: We promise to make the Southwest division less competitive

Miami Heat: We promise to make more headlines and a mention on ESPN.com

Milwaukee Bucks: We promise to stop submitting our beer as energy drinks for our players.

Minnesota Timberwolves: We promise to stop missing on purpose just so we can stat-pad Kevin Love’s rebounds.

New Jersey Nets: We promise to acquire Lebron James, even if it means going thru contraction to please him.

New Orleans Hornets: We’re owned by David Stern, we don’t need a fucking resolution.

New York Knicks: We promise to make Amare Stoudemire the next Patrick Ewing.

Oklahoma City Thunder: We will continue to follow Cleveland’s strategy

Orlando Magic: We promise to get more guards to surround Jameer Nelson

Philadelphia 76ers: We promise to draft more players that share the same initials of Spielberg movie titles.

Phoenix Suns: After every loss, we promise to stop reminding everyone how unfair we were treated during the Robert Horry incident.

Portland Trailblazers: We promise to use our budget hire a team physical trainer.

Sacramento Kings: We promise to race Tyreke Evans in the owners’ Lamborghini for his next contract.

San Antonio Spurs: We promise to play with less flash and eliminate the excessive showboating from our game.

Toronto Raptors: We promise to stop blaming ourselves and blame our departed franchise players.

Utah Jazz: We promise to eliminate the age discrimination clause from all future coaching contracts… if we ever get another coach.

Washington Wizards: We promise to show John Wall he made a mistake leaving college early.

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S YALL!!!

Sparks flew off right away as Villanueva picked up 2 fouls and had to sit out. Onlookers pointed out that Garnett proceeded to bump Charlie as he was heading to the bench. Not too long after, Garnett was seen limping up the court after he landed awkwardly on his right leg after a dunk. X-rays came out negative for fractures but he would not be able to return to the game. The Celtics’ trainer informed that Garnett would have to later test for any ligament damage when the Celtics return home to Boston.

Meanwhile, Villanueva couldn’t help suppress a smile as the game went on and led to a Detroit victory. Pistons fans yelled out obscenities as Garnett left the court like “Karma’s a bitch” and “Your knee is cancerous to the sport”, but some skeptics are mysteriously mystified by the timing and turn of events. “This is uncanny” said Keith Rowlings, a lifetime Celtics fan who was at the game. Rowlings, is a community leader who has been revered for his positive influence amongst youths and poor families. “I’ve never seen such bad luck in my life. This is bad for Celtics basketball when one of our big 4 goes down. First Rondo, now Garnett?”.

Rowlings then promised to organize a witch hunt for Villanueva and bring justice back down where it belongs. “Have you actually looked at him? The guy’s scary looking. He reminds me of that one guy from Star Trek. Anyone who looks like that naturally is bound to have some supernatural prowess and i’m going to put an end to this nonsense.” continued Rowlings as he lit up a hunting torch in the well-lit arena after the game.

While that view point was noted, many Favre supporters argued that his legacy in the league has already been tarnished a great deal just from the story leaking out. “It had to be tough enough going out there and playing the game with this kind of monkey on your back” said a close friend of Favre’s. After the public backlash on the penalty, NFL commissioner Goodell voluntarily addressed the statements by saying Favre could’ve pulled uglier chics but he pulled such a dime piece. Goodell commented, “I mean, let’s be serious here, some of you 25 year old punks can’t pull that kind of ass on your best day, Favre pulled that at 41. Don’t even get me started on the type of ass you’d be pulling at 41. That’s just a testament to how great Favre is”. Goodell also added, “Favre is so money too that you don’t even hear anything about him kissing up and buying a 4 million dollar ring. I mean, much love for Kobe and all but the rocky horror picture show reject he was accused of harassing back in Denver isn’t on Sterger’s level. I’m sorry”

While his response shocked the critics, even many more applauded and realized their mistakes. Chris Bayer. a local Vikings fan commented, “[Goodell's] right. It’s Sterger’s fault for looking so damn fine. I also remember when she had her nude pictures up on playboy and how it distracted me from my daily article reads.” Favre may not have ended his career exactly the way he had hoped for, but he will still be a piece of motivation for aspiring athletes and other 40 year old men. Sterger’s attorneys also commented that to show how small the fine is for a multimillion dollar athlete like Favre, if he actually accrued 50k a year instead, he’d end up paying about $1.20 for the fine. Clearly upset was the attorney, according to multiple sources who were there during his public statement, until he was handed a May 2006 issue of Playboy magazine.

The attorney had to cut his speech short after taking a few glimpses. We’ll cover more on this story if any developments.

And oh yeah due to an agreement with our hosting provider, we are not allowed to show pornographic images on our site..

BUT THEY DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT LINKS!!!! pics (NSFW):

http://www.virtualcasino.com/images/83674_Sterger.jpg

http://www.virtualcasino.com/images/83679_Steger1.jpg

Apparently Mike Brown is refusing to get on the air live because he doesn’t have all his material ready. His scheduled co-analysts expressed they understood and were willing to help him during tough times on air. Brown declined their suggestion however and repeatedly ordered the crew hire Lebron James. Brown wishes to have James get on the air and speak on his behalf. “I feel this is the only way I can do my best work on ESPN. I take it very seriously and I fail to see how this can be a problem for ESPN” commented Brown. Lebron James couldn’t be reached for comment on whether or not he would accept analysis for coach Brown.

The production crew ignored him at first, thinking he was joking around until Brown failed to report to work on Christmas Eve. At this point it wouldn’t be a surprise if Brown fails to show up at the Christmas game tomorrow.

Jordan commented after the firing that it was in the best interest of the progression of the franchise and that the 19 losses in 28 games ‘wasn’t going to fly’. Larry Brown couldn’t be reached for comment as we were informed he was running late for his 3pm pill intake. Several players and staff within the organization took exception to the firing simply out of respect of Coach Larry Brown. “If anyone knew if Larry Brown wasn’t capable of coaching, it would be Larry, and he would leave on his own terms.” said a VP of basketball operations in Charlotte. Amongst those who shared his view, none would step up and challenge the decision because they all unanimously felt they in turn would be fired too. “Are you kidding me?” replied an anonymous staff member after being asked if there should be some sort of retaliation against Jordan, “It’s effin’ Michael Jordan! nobody questions him.. I’m still yet to get his autograph!”

Michael later commented that he plans to strengthen not only the team but the coaching staff as well, and promised that he’d bring an onslaught of former superstars from the league like Oakley and Ewing to teach the young guns. “I’ll come back and play if I have to, to show that I mean business” said Michael. “With me starting at the 2 and Kwame at the 5, there’s no reason we can’t turn things around right now.” As far as players go, Michael’s undying love for Brook Lopez still hasn’t been vanquished completely. There are rumors of trade talks between the Bobcats and the Nets. A spokesperson from the Nets leaked that Michael has even offered himself to come out of retirement to play for the Nets as long as they trade Lopez to Charlotte in the process.