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Earl Boykins and the Bucks beat Lakers 98 – 79; Lakers wonder what child was doing on the court

December 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment

boykinsxAs soon as 5’5 Earl Boykins stepped on the court, Lamar Odom had the most confused look on his face. Even more confused than when he saw how fat Chloe really was when she stood next to Santa at the mall. Boykins was the game’s points leader with 22 during the Bucks win. “It was like we let him score at will” said Laker forward Pau Gasol. “In fact, we did let him score at will because we had no idea who that was and why the refs weren’t stopping the game. I thought it was one of Kobe’s illegitimate children running around or something but I’ve got to admit this kid was good.” Pau continued.

Late in the fourth quarter, someone had tipped them off that it was actually an NBA player named Earl Boykins. Lamar Odom said after he figured out who he was, they had begun to play hard but it was too late by then. Phil Jackson, the zen master, was practicing whatever it is zen masters do because he appeared to do his trademark strategy of sitting on the bench crossing his leg and starring calmly at the game while Kobe barks signals. “It was wierd, i gotta admit” said Boykins after the game. “I thought i was going to get outmatched and outsized but instead it was like they felt sorry for me.” he continued. Boykins also added that he thought it was exceptionally wierd when he tried to penetrate the lane and he had Bynum carry him from behind with both arms, and lifted him towards the hoop to make a dunk.

Lakers are now 21 and 8 after the loss.

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89-0 record set by Uconn Women’s Basketball; Random critics ponder who let them out of kitchen

December 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment

It was a dominant 93-62 win over 20 ranked Florida State. “20th ranked!!!!” said Robert De La Cruz, a media columnist for the school newspaper. De La Cruz was clearly referring to how bad the Lady Seminoles were beaten despite their status in the AP polls. It’s no secret there has been a lot of debate over this record because of the fact that it was set by the women’s basketball team. Some critics are saying the record shouldn’t be discussed nor compared to the men’s record set by UCLA back in 1971 – 1974. others, including UConn coach, Geno Auriemma are saying they should stop being bastards and shut their pie holes. An interesting group of brash critics however, have brought a new set of beliefs to the table.

According to a group of pundits led by radio personality Ron Schymus, they had no idea women even played basketball. “I truly thought it was one of those things we let those girls do to make them feel better about themselves. I mean, i was shocked when i saw this on ESPN’ front page.” While many women were shocked at Ron’s remarks, he surprisingly drew a large number of supporters, mostly male. “If we have these women thinking they can compete on a level playing ground with men, and start talking about beating a record set by men, they’re going to think they are more useful than they really are.” continued Schymus.

The NOW organization has been in uproar over his comments and have called for his radio show to be canceled and taken off the air completely. Schymus response to them was that he didnt’ know women even formed such an organization and that he wonders who is letting them out of the kitchen. Apologies are still yet to be heard from Schymus but his group of supporters are growing strong and have come to his defense by picketing infront of his job that he shouldn’t be fired. Signs from picketers were visible like “great win, now go make me a damn sammich” and “you know i can still kick your ass right?”

For more developments on this story, stay subscribed to rofljock.

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Randy Moss admits destroying chemistry in Tennessee is not as easy as he thought

November 21, 2010 By Leave a Comment

NASHVILLE, Tenn – After a challenging practice Friday, Moss was surprisingly available at the press booth to speak to the media. After coach Fisher had finished talking to the reporters, Moss quickly trotted on to the stage with his signature scowl on his face. As the crowd expected an angry fated media tongue-lashing from Moss, he greeted us with a sense of humbleness in his voice as he did nothing but commend the Titan’s organization.

randy-mossMoss further went on to explain that he didn’t think he’d like it as much as he as so far and that he came here with the sole purpose of ‘creating more drama’. “Quite frankly, I was trying to break a world record of changing teams within a season” said Moss as he was asked why he seemed changed during the press conference. Moss further admitted that he had no intention of playing football this season and figured his chances are pretty slim of touching the rest of Jerry Rice’s records so he sought out to make new records of his own, switching teams being one of them. “I was also going to have a crack at ‘most destroyed running back seasons’ world record but I have a feeling Chris Johnson’s will be hard to put a dent in.” Moss had already impeded Peterson’s in Minnesota by sharing the first option spotlight in Childress’ playbook.

When asked if Moss still sought to destroy the team, he declined to comment on that but gave us a vague response saying that “anything’s possible”. The Titans face Washington on Sunday the 21st. Lets see if Moss has formulated a new plan for success by then.

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Dog owner/Eagles fan still unsure whether he should root for Michael Vick

November 21, 2010 By Leave a Comment

PHILADELPHIA – David Haskins, a long time eagles fan has seen the ups and downs of his beloved franchise. Having been a season ticket holder for the past 10 years, he thanks his dog sitting business for allowing him to spend his fortunes on watching his favorite team take the field every Sunday. “I love what i do, I’ve been doing it all my life and I have no intention of retiring from my passion” said Haskins of his dog sitting business.

Haskins has been dog sitting ever since he was 10 years old. People say he has this special bond with all canines that would make Cesar Milan jealous. When Haskins turned this hobby into his career, it had become the turning point of his life financially. Now making up to $600 k a year, Haskins has more time to focus on enjoying the sport of football. However, things took a horrible twist when Vick was added to the team and eventually was named starter. “I missed the first Eagles game of my life when Vick took over for Kevin Kolb” commented Haskins. “After what Vick did, I can never forgive him. I will never root for him and I hope he gets injured.” Haskins also added.

Needless to say, Haskins was very excited when Vick went down with the rib injury but after the loss to Tennessee, he wasn’t so high on Kolb. “I wanted McNabb back” said Haskins. After Vick’s performance against McNabb of all people last week, Haskins admits he has never been more confused in his life as to whether to root for his team or boo for Vick. Fans sitting by him in the stadium said they thought he was an unadmitted schizophrenic patient. He would cheer for the Eagles defense but boo whenever the ball was passed on offense. After the 40th point, Haskins ran out of breath from his constant boos and passed out on the stadium field.

After being revived at the end of the game, he was told the final score was 59 – 28, and the Eagles won. Haskins still expressed displeasure despite his team winning. Haskins today is now being closely monitored as so he doesn’t kill himself from the confusion that occurs. Some fellow fans have encouraged him to forget the past and root for his franchise as this may be his best chance to see them win a championship but Haskins’ response is the usual cold blank stare.

Eagles play against the Giants this Sunday evening.

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Where do i start?

November 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Identity

OK, so you’ve got your business idea and name and formulated a business plan. As a matter of fact, you probably have already started the business and started selling products. All that remains is your new goal of bringing your business to the world wide web. Great idea huh?

Starting a business online sounds like a great idea until you sit down in front of the computer. For several users I have come across, there is a feeling of cluelessness, for lack of a better word, when they reach this stage. In a way, making the crossover is like moving or expanding your store from one small neighborhood to a bigger neighborhood… in a different city, state or even country. As a small business, you will meet new people who aren’t familiar with who you are or what your store is about. They would want to get familiar with the store first and see if it is worth spreading the word and coming back for future purchases.

Just like the store, moving or expanding your business online will present similar challenges. Naturally, to get someone’s attention to your store without even saying a word, you decorate it with an inviting image depending on its theme. Designing your website with an inviting image isn’t any different. Potential online customers and other visitors are naturally reluctant to explore a website if the initial impression they get isn’t a favorable one.

When picking the design and structure of your website, no matter what theme it has, must always have that inviting or welcoming feel to it. The site’s image is the first thing people see when they first visit your site, the first thing people image when recalling your website in memory, and they will describe your website to others while picturing this image.

-Jaydeem

more advice articles from jaydeem coming soon
Filed Under: .Headlines

Bulls to sign Brian Scalabrine in hopes to lure Carmelo Anthony

September 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Celtics-Brian-ScalabrineCHICAGO – Bulls and Ex-Celtics forward, Brian Scalabrine have agreed to terms which would make Brian their newest PF/C. Scalabrine may play the role of reliever to the Bull’s other offseason acquisition, Carlos Boozer. The GM couldn’t hold his excitement as he commented to us that, this offseason has been their best so far. “Derrick Rose is going to have many weapons now” he said, “now Carmelo can’t deny wanting to sign with us!”

Carmelo is referred to because, the Nuggets have made it no secret that Carmelo wants to be traded to either the Bulls, Nets or Knicks. Sources say yesterday that the Bulls were atop of Carmelo’s list. Team management, only hopes the signing of Scalabrine ups the ante. “By signing Scalabrine, we bring a player who’s been through the rigors of the postseason and won a championship ring in the process. We know Carmelo is all about winning, he’s won championships at every level of basketball he’s played in besides the NBA.” said Coach Thibodeaux. Some fans are even claiming that, as long as Carmelo signs with the Bulls, such a trio with Boozer, Rose, and Scalabrine can rival the fanfare of Miami Heat.

Every point they make is true and right now, it truly does look like the Bulls are front runners for acquiring Carmelo. Things may take a twist though if Scalabrine himself is offered as a trade bait for Denver.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NBA

Team doctors worried Andy Reid is suffering from concussion illness after naming Vick starter

September 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment

PHILADELPHIA – Andy Reid had given a press conference early Monday regarding his quarterbacks situation. As many know already, Eagles QB had suffered a concussion already this season which paved the way for Michael Vick to be the signal caller for the Philadelphia Eagles. After his winning performance, this left many fans of the game guessing if Vick would get another shot at starting despite Kevin Kolb being cleared to play again. However no one was expecting for Reid to make his decision so early and quick.

Reid had declared Vick his starter on Tuesday morning, and while this comes as a surprise to many, including Vick, Reid said he felt he deserved another shot at leading his team. As soon as the cameras went off, team doctors rushed on site and yanked Andy away from the reporters in order diagnose Reid. It was a somewhat scary situation as media members and staff members of the team looked at Reid and the doctors with a sense of worry and fear on their faces, hoping he was alright.

After a few minutes of holding up fingers for Reid to count and flashing a small flashlight in his eyes to check for dilation, Reid was carried away from the press room in a stretcher. The crowd of people clapped as he stuck his hands up letting everyone know he will be OK. We will let you know if any more news on this develops.

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Charlotte Bobcats wondering ‘how the hell’ Erick Dampier got on their team

September 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

CHARLOTTE – Following the aftermath of NBA center Erick Dampier’s release, alot of staff members are wondering how he got on the team in the first place. If anyone had followed Charlotte in the last few seasons, they would agree that progress has been made as the years went on. They even made the playoffs this past season for the first time in their franchise history. So when they made the NBA headlines earlier this week, many fans of the team and even staff members were left wondering why he was on the team to begin with.

“We have Kwame Brown” said an anonymous member of the team. The GM mentioned that the only way he knew Dampier was on the team was because he went on to their website and peeked at their roster out of boredom. “As soon as I found out, I ordered for him to be released.” said the GM. “We are actually trying to win games here, and releasing Erick is a step in the right direction.”

Erick couldn’t be reached for comment. On the brightside, the fact that he blocked us from reaching him gave us confidence in his talents because he actually made a block for once.

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Eli Manning sets goal to throw only 12 interceptions this season

August 25, 2010 By Leave a Comment

10_Eli_ManningNEW YORK – After announcing his upcoming participation in Saturday’s preseason game, Eli aimed to give his fans a glimpse of hope and relief. Manning says he plans to bring down his interceptions this season to a max of 12.

“I know i throw too many interceptions as it is already. I don’t have to read the newspapers to figure it out. I know i can’t turn this thing around over night but I will set goals each year and hopefully 5 years from now I can bring it down to 10.” Manning has suffered criticism since day 1 and has been in his brother, Peyton Manning’s, shadow for quite some time. After winning the superbowl a few years back, Manning’s career has seen an upwards turn of events but his interceptions have still haunted him.

Coach Coughlin has worked dearly with Manning to decrease his interception totals by employing strategies of having his wide receivers play defense while Manning is throwing. Some staff have even branched out to Peyton Manning to help coach his brother. “Only time will tell if our practices have worked toward this goal” said the Giants’ quarterbacks coach. Giants play their first game at 1pm EST on Sunday Sep. 12th.

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Rajon Rondo volunteers to withdraw from team USA after being threatened to make a free throw

August 25, 2010 By Leave a Comment

rondoATHENS – Rajon Rondo announced his departure from the team USA roster recently and it came as a shock to just about everyone involved in the tournament. Several teammates remained mum during their interviews about why Rondo left. Coach K was also timid but he had to disspell rumors that there was confrontation in the locker room due to Rondo’s attitude.

“It was a tough decision on making the final cuts, so i decided the point guards had to have a simple free throw contest, and the person to make the least free throws will end up being cut.” Staff had said Rondo started throwing a fit because of the contest and decided not to participate in it at all. Players said he was so bad at free throws that he decided he was a goner for sure. “Now we know why we called him the Shaq of point guards. At first he took it as a complement and would beat his chest, but he finally got the hang of it after he missed his 10th freethrow in a row during practice.”

Coach K claims he only suggested that because he wanted it to be a fair competition without anyone getting physically hurt. Rondo could not be reached for comment, but his agent spoke on his behalf saying he is in shooting camp right now back in the U.S.

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