» Olympics

Report: Sidney Crosby detained by U.S. authorities

djm43085 — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:21:43 +0000

PITTSBURGH- Sources are reporting that after scoring the game winning goal in overtime last Sunday in Canada’s 3-2 overtime triumph over the United States in the gold medal Olympic hockey game, the Pittsburgh Penguins superstar was held up by TSA agents who considered not letting him back in to the country. In the most watched hockey game since 1980, Americans tuned in only to see their hopes of a gold medal dashed by Canada’s favorite son. When his return flight from Vancouver to Pittsburgh landed, TSA agents immediately boarded the plane and apprehended Crosby. TSA agents were under the impression that since he beat the United States, he must have been some sort of threat to the country. For a short time, Crosby was held up by security who did not think he should be allowed back. After explaining his role on the Penguins, agents decided he was no threat to the country.

After upset loss to USA, Canada considering canceling Olympics

djm43085 — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:55:16 +0000

VANCOUVER- Jamie Langenbrunner’s goal at 7:09 of the third period to give the United States a 4-2 lead at the time over Canada would hold up to be the game winner as the United States upset Canada in Vancouver on Sunday giving the Americans their Olympic win over the Canadians in 50 years. Sidney Crosby would score a goal with just under four minutes left would bring the Canadians with in one before Ryan Kesler’s hustled to a loose puck and back handed it with one arm for an empty net goal with 45 seconds left would seal the Americans 5-3 victory. Canada, whose national sport is hockey, who have been focused on winning gold on home soil in hockey, are so distraught after the loss, are considering forcing everybody out of Vancouver and canceling the Olympic games.

“Hockey is what we live for as Canadians. We’ve been waiting for this moment for the last four years, so we can celebrate winning gold and proving that hockey is our sport, and we are the best in the world at it” said Canadian Olympic Committee President Michael Chambers.

“Lets be honest,” continued Chambers, “Nobody up here really cares about the other sports. Its all about hockey in the great white north. If Canada is gonna struggle at the sport we live for, we might as well just cancel the games all together. These Olympics would be meaningless without a gold in hockey for Canada.”

All of Canada has been excited for these Olympic Games, especially for Hockey. Nearly the entire nation tuned in on Sunday only to see their beloved heroes lose to the rival Americans. Canada Hockey Place, the home for ice hockey at the Olympics, was a sea of red with maple leaf flags waving all over the place. Fans were also bitterly disappointed also by the result.

“If we can’t win at hockey, then whats the point of supporting my country,” wondered Jan Fletcher of Surrey, BC, who attended the game. She added that “if they’re not going to win gold, then these entire games are a waste of time and an embarrassment.”

The COC will take 48 hours to asses the situation and make an announcement. However, Internatioal Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge said that despite the Candians disappointment, the games will continue.

Male ice skater reveals cameltoe outline on his crotch

sebastien3k — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:54:28 +0000

CANADA- During a practice run prior to the men’s figure skating finals, all eyes were on the ice skating rink as fans knew they were about to witness an intense matchup. The major players that took the ice were Evan Lysacek, Evegni Plushenko and Daisuke Takahashi. Fans certainly expected a preview of what they were about to witness on the grand stage, however they weren’t expecting a preview of one of the skater’s crotches.

Granted, given the spandex and leotards these skaters wear, one can’t help but notice the outlining of a skater’s full figure. This figure they saw though, was a cameltoe outline on his crotch, only expected to be seen on a female ice skater’s body.

“Parents immediately grabbed their kids and left the scene” said an usher as we interviewed him about the public reaction. It seemed that everyone in the arena saw his crotch except the skater himself. This usually never happens in the sport and authorities are left wondering how he passed the preliminary tests to participate in the Winter Olympics without anyone realizing he is possibly is or was a woman at a point.

The Olympics committee couldn’t be reach for further questioning on the issue but it would be interesting to see if a medal win is in store for the un-identified skater.

Male figure skater swears he is not gay

djm43085 — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:54:17 +0000

VANCOUVER- Alexander Setisov, an Olympic figure skater from Belarus, announced he was not gay on Sunday. Despite his frilly competition outfit, perfect hair, and outstanding hygiene, the Olympian maintains that he is not homosexual, and does it purely for the love of the sport.

“The grace and athleticism involved in the sport of men’s figure skating is what drew me to the sport.” said Stetisov. “I am not gay, I just like to dance and dress up while on ice.”

There is an assumption among many people who watch the sport that most men’s skaters are undoubtedly gay. Whether is the bouquets flowers they collect after a performance, crown of roses some may put on their head while waiting for judges’ scores, or the tissues they use to wipe their eyes after a performance, it becomes difficult not to question the sexual orientation of these athletes. As hard as it is to imagine, Setisov also announced that here are other heterosexual competitors in the sport as well.

“I’m not the only hetero either,” added the skater. “There are a few others too, and we pretty much get our pick of the litter when it comes to the female skaters.”

He mentioned most female skaters will attest to the fact that he is the Tiger Woods of figure skating. Setisov wondered why so many people assume that all male skaters are homosexual.

“This sport takes unbelievable commitment and physical conditioning. I don’t understand the homosexual connotation.”

Despite these announcements, most of the reporters and journalists just rolled their eyes and were still skeptical. Setisov is not expected to medal in Vancouver.