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What’s up beeyotches?

April 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Yes I insult my readers by calling them beeyotches. All 3 of them. As you can see the site is back up, well it kind of has to be back up by now, other wise how are you reading this? Is this real? What is real? What if my concept of reality differs from your concept of reality? This many questions ought to mean armageddon is near. I mean, afterall, the biggest scare was when rofljock failed to be updated for almost half a year. In all actuality it wasn’t really that long, but it felt like it. Trust me, everyday I wondered if my readers, all 3 of them, took me for dead. It was an abrupt end to the publishing without any warning. I still had stories saved up to be shipped up at the time, like Mother of Lebron’s heckler upset at lebron for cussing at her son, Vince McMahon is front runner for next NBA commissioner , and EA Sports Madden to feature Collective Bargaining Mode. Who knows, I could still incorporate those tiles as headlines at the top of the site, however, I digress.

The NBA playoffs is about to start. Which means, people will actually start watching the NBA now instead of making boneheaded analyses like the one’s I’ve heard all season. I’m not gonna name any names, CHARLES BARKLEY, but I’ve got to get a hold of whatever that guy is smoking. It’s like the damn spacejam monstars took over his body again, or at least his brain..

Anyway, enough of that. I’m all NBA’ed out right now because all that’s happening in the NFL is a bunch of bickering, MLB also has bickering (barry bonds), and NHL needs more bickering. I will try to write about more sports but I’ve got to figure out how to learn more about them to a point I can create articles related to them. It only makes the stories more funnier when I know what I’m writing about. Ya know?

Anyway I’m going to cut this short as I’m still semi-revamping the site. Let me know what’s up. If I’m missing anything, and such. Stay tuned. Goodnite

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NBA Team New Year’s Resolutions for 2011

December 31, 2010 By 1 Comment

teamslogo

Atlanta Hawks: We promise to stop making the East look more competitive than it really is.

Boston Celtics: We promise to acquire more star players on the team so we can show how much we mean business.

Charlotte Bobcats: We promise to live in Michael Jordan’s shadow from now on.

Chicago Bulls: We promise to make Derrick Rose the next T-Mac.

Cleveland Cavaliers: We STILL promise we’ll win a ring before Lebron James does.

Dallas Mavericks: We promise to prove to everyone that the regular season does matter.

Denver Nuggets: We promise to get George Karl a tattoo, thereby completing our entire roster with tattoos.

Detroit Pistons: We promise to act interested in the league again.

Golden State Warriors: We promise to score more points than our opponents.

Houston Rockets: We promise to acquire more injury prone players to fill out our roster.

Indiana Pacers: We promise diversify our roster by adding more Caucasian players.

Los Angeles Clippers: We promise to shed the Los Angeles image from our name

Los Angeles Lakers: We promise to shed the Clippers’ image from our game

Memphis Grizzlies: We promise to make the Southwest division less competitive

Miami Heat: We promise to make more headlines and a mention on ESPN.com

Milwaukee Bucks: We promise to stop submitting our beer as energy drinks for our players.

Minnesota Timberwolves: We promise to stop missing on purpose just so we can stat-pad Kevin Love’s rebounds.

New Jersey Nets: We promise to acquire Lebron James, even if it means going thru contraction to please him.

New Orleans Hornets: We’re owned by David Stern, we don’t need a fucking resolution.

New York Knicks: We promise to make Amare Stoudemire the next Patrick Ewing.

Oklahoma City Thunder: We will continue to follow Cleveland’s strategy

Orlando Magic: We promise to get more guards to surround Jameer Nelson

Philadelphia 76ers: We promise to draft more players that share the same initials of Spielberg movie titles.

Phoenix Suns: After every loss, we promise to stop reminding everyone how unfair we were treated during the Robert Horry incident.

Portland Trailblazers: We promise to use our budget hire a team physical trainer.

Sacramento Kings: We promise to race Tyreke Evans in the owners’ Lamborghini for his next contract.

San Antonio Spurs: We promise to play with less flash and eliminate the excessive showboating from our game.

Toronto Raptors: We promise to stop blaming ourselves and blame our departed franchise players.

Utah Jazz: We promise to eliminate the age discrimination clause from all future coaching contracts… if we ever get another coach.

Washington Wizards: We promise to show John Wall he made a mistake leaving college early.

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S YALL!!!

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ROFLJOCK rocks cocks harder than Jean-Claude Van Damme wrestling a kangaroo on methamphetamines!!!

December 24, 2010 By Leave a Comment

And if that makes perfect sense to you, then you’re a straight up baller in my book!! Mad props to Vlad, head blogger of slamdumb.com for giving me a shout-out on his Christmas Eve blog. ROFLJOCK got mad hits within a 3 hour span after he posted that article, and it was 3 am in the morning i believe when that happened. So that gave me 2 thoughts, 1. I have no life and look at my stats at 3 am in the morning and 2. I better get cracking and write more stories because ROFLJOCK’s viewers are about to increase dramatically.

On a serious note however, these sites are powered by a 1 or 2 individuals at best, who have very little time to brainstorm ideas, update the sites, and read hatemail and everything in between but I can attest for Vlad, Dmitry and ourselves that we are all very passionate about what we do but sometimes real life gets in the way, so please please please, when you get on any site and you don’t see an expected update or new article. We’re just as bummed as you are about not dishing one out within a reasonable amount of time.

But back to ROFLJOCKing!! it’s Christmas Eve.. I know.. but c’mon guys.. what’s with the videos? This is like a contest to see which sports team can create the most ridiculous video out there these holidays.

Wow.. on a side note, The mavs actually planned to sing this all season but guess what.. they choked..

Wow.. and this was a perfect opportunity to get rid of that Denver THUGgets image too

The moment i shared tears was at the very beginning of the video when i realized it was 8 mins long..

on a side note.. the end of the video features bloopers and outtakes… as if the entire thing wasn’t a blooper anyway

“..and an extra tooth to fill my gap teeeeeeth” :D

But i’m no scrooge.. I still have a favorite video out of all the christmas vids and that’s by the houston rockets..

and so what if they cheated? you gotta admit that is badass..

So yes that’s my holiday themed article.. talk about these with family and friends while drunken over with eggnog! tell em about rofljock also.. leave comments.. and do what ever else its y’all do.. just stay safe doing it.. MERRY CHRISTMAS :D AND HAPPY NEW YEAR’S IN ADVANCE!!

-Love,

Seb

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hey how you durnn!?

November 20, 2010 By 1 Comment

It’s Saturday November 20th so happy thanksgiving to my readers, all 3 of you, in advance. I hope you guys cram your faces with tryptophan laced turkey and get that buzzed / sleepy look while watching the cowboys on TV, honoring their season long tradition of losing. No i mean it, enjoy thanksgiving and give thanks for all the good that’s happened to you this year. I’m willing to bet it outweighs the bad, I mean for one, you can give thanks that you still have life. If you just get shot right after reading this then I apologize.

So it’s pretty obvious at this point that I didn’t die. Yes, it’s really me typing this. I apologize for not updating the site lately, life just got in the way. You’d figure, now that I had cable things I’d be more active with a constant sports news feed coming in but it’s been quite the opposite. It’s really true cable makes you lazy.

So here’s one thing im rofljocking on..

Kobe aims at his haters

Kobe aims at his "haters"

apparently several media critics are taking a jab at kobe for this image. Now i can get into a whole discussion about this.. and i kinda did over here (try to guess which user i am), but I won’t. I’ll just state my case that the critics should give Kobe a pass on this one because it’s the commercial’s creators that are to blame. It’s no secret that there’s retards in this country that can’t differentiate between fiction and reality, so we have help them apply logic. The industry is already under fire for being controversial in the first place, this commercial doesn’t help their cause. Putting Kobe in this is only a bad PR move because of the controversy but everyone should know by now the only shooting Kobe does is shooting basketballs. Give him a break, and that’s coming from a non-kobe fan.

So what else is new? Guess who just overtook David Robinson as the all-time Spurs scorer?

look at my status tim.. you can look but you cant touch..

look at my status tim.. you can look but you can't touch..

Yes Duncan finally pulled it off. After sinking a free-throw to tie the record, he sunk another to break it, and it all went downhill from there…. for the Jazz. How about my Spurs bustin’ out a 10-1 record without ESPN and other laker/celtic/heat nut-hugging media outlets raving about it. Even, when New Orleans had a 7-0 streak to start out the season, we couldn’t hear the end of it, however there are NBA fans out there that don’t even know who Tim Duncan is.

i bet even tnt analyst except charles ernie and the jet woulda missed it too..

Speaking of the Spurs, it’s kinda sad that despite my biased ranting about them not being mentioned in the news, they actually have been mentioned in the news, at the expense of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria getting a divorce. At first when they hooked up, I pictured her as some non-sense chicana from da valley trying to make some noise by dating a spurs player, but i accepted that I was wrong after they had been together for quite a while. Then when I heard about the divorce, that did take me by surprise. But the thing that gets me is that, they’re divorcing because Tony was allegedly knockin’ boots with someone else.. damn Tony.. It was a former Spurs’ player’s wife.. DAMN TONY… it was Brent Barry’s wife.. DAMN TONY.. see.. i wouldn’t have minded until i heard it was a former player’s wife, so I was hella worried that Tony would end up playing the game like Tiger Woods did.. the sexual predator edition.. but I’m pretty stoked after seeing Tony play out there like Kobe Bryant.. the sexual predator edition. But regardless of the outcome of all of this, I’ve got to say this from a man’s perspective, that Erin Barry is one fine piece of A!

But enough of all that anyway, I’ve got a couple of good news to share and i’ll make it brief. 1. i’m gonna be updating this site with more funnies and 2. My friend Vlad at Slamdumb.com , Yes .. THE slamdumb.com is going to be posting my site out there to his readers.. he did it out of his own good heart.. I didn’t get on all fours and beg him mercilessly to help me out, even though every part of me inside wanted to. After having a couple of conversations with him, he’s a good guy.. hilarious.. and you know if I find someone hilarious, so help you GOD.. So if you’re an nba fan with a sense of humor, check out his blogs and comics at www.slamdumb.com . This one for example had me rollin’:

Oh and I nearly forgot, my buddy KC is the owner of the other site i referenced earlier.. www.2khoops.net , check it out.. make an account, engage in discussions! you may even get a ‘whats up’ or ‘stfu’ from your boy, sebastien3k over there :D .

Well enough of my blibber blabber for now, I’ll post up another one of these soon and if you can read this and you don’t post a comment, it means you have genital herpes. Peace!

-Seb

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New Ticker

September 16, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Yes.. It’s a new ticker. at the top. I figured the old one was sort of inconspicuous so i decided i’d actually get off my lazy ass and do something on this site for once..

Yes I’m going to be slamming more stories on here more than before.. i know i said that the last 10 times but this time.. i mean it :D

I’ve been torn between a crappy internet connection at home, my NCAA 11 Dynasty, and drama at the OTHER job. You know, the usual.. but I’ve got some good news, I’m finally getting cable TV. . This means I can actually leave my TV on ESPN 24/7.. and get caught up with all the sports news i can rofljock about..

I’ve got some stories brewing in draft status that should be out before the end of the week ;) … and then some..

I see the stats, many thanks to you all for still checkin’ on the site.. leave your comments about the new ticker at the top.. it takes like 2 seconds..

Ciao!

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Tyreke Evans

August 2, 2010 By Leave a Comment

GO SPEED RACER! GO SPEED RACER! GO SPEED RACER GOOOOOOO!!!!

i made that for you..

seriously what are you thinking?..

playing in the NBA is not just a hoop session anymore.. it’s your job now.. you’re now a commodity for a major franchise.. i’m sure none of that makes sense to you.. but you’re digging yourself a deep hole here and it’s absolutley not necessary..

what if someone accidentally cut in front of you not seeing you..

wreck happens.. your legs are taken out.. you’re of no more value to the kings.. your career’s ruined.. hey.. you’d be lucky even if you’re not dead..

/rant

post a comment if u like the photoshop ;)

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Where have you been?

July 29, 2010 By 1 Comment

Oh you mean me… my bad.. I haven’t gone anywhere.. but in case anyone else had noticed.. the site virtually “poofed” off the internet for quite a bit. Nothing wrong happened, no i didn’t break anything.. well not intentionally, I know what triggered the whole event but lets just say I took my time getting it back up and running. It didn’t take long for me to do so but figured other stuff had to be taken care of first…

The site is back :D .. that’s all that matters now. I hope for it not to happen again.. so i guess as a side effect of all this now.. my stories are old news sort of.. hey they’re still funny.. just pretend you’ve been in a coma for the past 20 days like my site has and you’ll be lol’ing at the stories again. I’m still gonna get this stuff updated anyways with new stories.. funny as usual..

it looks like not much has happened or not alot since lebron joined the NWO..

lol.. that video gets me everytime! plus it’s sweet hearing some Jimi Hendrix while you’re at it ;) . Plus the usual Lebron hate coalition group is having a blast at the remarks they’re making about him and what not.. well it’s like this.. let Lebron be Lebron.. that’s all i got to say about it.. he doesn’t owe anyone a thing.. he never once said he wants to be the greatest basketball player ever and win 12 rings and 9 MVPs or whatever.. even if he did that, he’d still be hated.. so it’s whatever man.. the heat are just another hard team to beat.. don’t treat that team like they’re composed of gods.. they’re still beatable.. you just have to try extra hard lol..

what u tryin to say TO?

what u tryin' to say TO?

In other news, Carson Palmer is gonna have a choice of Terrell Owens or Chad OchoCinco to throw to. I’ve got to make a story about that on the site. Well that offense has no excuse to stink now.. well.. then again.. they have cedric benson.. one of football’s greatest hoaxes of all time.

Other than that.. nothing else big comes to mind.. but of course if it does.. i’ll keep me posted :p

speakin of posts.. where’s yours? look below

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Sebastien3k becomes a writer on bleacherreport.com

July 4, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Yes, it was a long tedious process as during the free agency period I had to weigh my options. 3 of the other top writers in the business were weighing their options too and it even depended on what I aimed to do. One of them even had like a summit and everything it was crazy. Oh and another thing, the fans of rofljock held like a site-wide gathering and sang to the tune of “we are the world” in hopes to keep me writing here.

Ok enough of the self worshiping, I ain’t going anywhere. Why would I? It’s my site and apparently there’s still alotta work that has to be done. This article tho IS about me signing on to bleacher report and publishing some articles there. I’m still trying to figure out what format I’m going to put them in. Is it going to be more humor articles? will i transcribe my articles here to over there? I dunno. I’ll figure it out, but at least this should be cool as it provides another outlet on the internet for us to get known more out there.

I’m also gonna do some housekeeping on here, because even though the site looks professional, which is cool, it’s just missing that “flair”. Ya know?

Anyway here’s my newest internet space :

http://bleacherreport.com/users/324625-sebastien-threekay

I’ll post articles there and post them here and keep them updated and whatnot whatever have you.. you know the drill..

Peace out! and happy 4th of July!!

-Seb

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UFC Undisputed 2010 (Shaquille Oneal is an unlockable character)

June 1, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Sup guys.. dropped by to say a quick what up.. i just found this out today..

shaq oneal is an unlockable figher in ufc undisputed 2010.. it was comical.. fighting with him..

after i unlocked him i took him straight to the octagon and knocked out brock lesnar in the process..

i’ll share how to unlock him here.. just drop me a comment or something on here if you got any questions or at least gimme a ‘whats up’

just go to the main menu on your ps3 and put in this combo:

Right, Up, Left, Right, Down, Left, Up, Right, Down, Left, Square, Triangle, Triangle, Square, Start

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sebastien reporting..

June 1, 2010 By Leave a Comment

yes.. what was it? 2 weeks of not updating the site.. i bet our readers must’ve been wondering if the site finally died. nah.. far from it.. i was actually humbled by people randomly asking me out of nowhere if i’m still doing the site.. i mean .. i know i told them about it but i really didn’t think they paid much attention to notice that it hadn’t been updated in a while.

So yeah it has been 2 weeks since our last update. What had happened with me was being busy / occupied with other stuff as well as being depressed. Yeah it sounds funny now but it was something I hadn’t experienced to its degree before. I had shut out nearly everyone and didn’t work on any of my sites because of added pressure of everything.

I am fine now tho.. it’s not something i want to go thru again and i’ll spare the details of everything that came into play.

However I thank our fans for continuing to read our material and I ask for everyone of you to please spread the word. What really keeps this site going is the fans.. nothing more.. and I always want for it to be that way.

Oh and other news, due to the scheme of the way the site’s going, I’m going to start updating articles everyday. That means you can come at any day and there may be a new article waiting for you.. this means you don’t have to wait a whole week to read a new article and we don’t have to wait a whole week to publish one.

Feel free to leave a comment.. let me get to know our fans a little more.

Peace out

-seb

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