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Minor leaguers upset by newest helmet styles not matching their purses

May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Schutt air7 baseball helmetSYRACUSE – After a Saturday afternoon game, the Norfolk Tides had a team meeting regarding not only the game they lost but the elmets that they’ve been required wear due to a recent league-wide mandate. For starters, league office has passed a decision to enforce safety from concussions by requiring players to wear a larger version of the helmets they wear now.

Several players not only on the Tides but across the league and onto the MLB has stressed that it doesn’t make them feel comfortable when they look in the mirror. Some who chose not to be named have complained that it lowers their self esteem and makes them feel like little guys again.

The commissioner of the league has called the complaints ridiculous and has stressed that safety is much more of a higher priority than what you look like when batting. He declined to comment more on the negativity around the league regarding the new helmets although he did mention that Turner’s comments about the helmets disturbed him. Turner of the Norfolk Tides commented the style of the batting helmet is incompatible with his favorite purse. “If I’m going to be televised, I want to look my best out there” said Turner.

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Opposing pitcher falls asleep while facing Mariners

May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

mattgarzaST. PETERSBURG – Ken Griffey Jr. is not the only one falling asleep these days during Mariners games.

On Sunday, Tampa Bay Rays pitcher Matt Garza fell asleep while actually pitching to the Seattle line-up. Facing a line-up that ranks near the bottom in almost every offensive statistical category, Garza managed to pitch to the Mariners while catching a nap in the middle of the game. Garza believes he fell asleep sometime during the second inning, and didn’t wake up until allowing a run to score in the sixth.

“I remember the first inning that is for sure, I was excited for the start of the game,” explained Garza. “However, next thing I know it is the sixth inning, we’re down 1-0, and (catcher) Dioner (Navarro) comes out the the mound telling me to wake up, and that I’ve been sleeping for nearly four innings”

Tampa Bay Manager Joe Maddon was impressed with his performance.

“I’ve seen a few players in my time in this game that I thought were good enough to play this game in their sleep, I didn’t think I’d ever actually see it done, that is simply amazing!”

Seattle players were baffled by Garza’s performance.

“We didn’t want to be rude and wake him up, that wouldn’t be nice. Besides, he was pitching one helluva game.” said catcher Josh Bard. “But Michael Sanders RBI in the sixth inning was a bit loud, and we accidentally woke him up.”

Garza was removed from the game after six innings with his team actually down 1-0, but the Rays were about to mount two late runs for the comeback win.

“I’m glad I didn’t get tagged with the loss in that one,” said Garza. “That may have looked bad.”

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Radio chatter of plans to run on baseball field intercepted by local security intelligence

May 10, 2010 By Leave a Comment

taserST2006_468x342PHILADELPHIA – Latest news reports have featured a Phillies fan getting tased by stadium security and another getting subdued after they both ran on the field during a baseball game.

Critics across the states have been harsh on the violence executed by the police department by the tasing, deeming it unnecessary because the fan wasn’t armed. The police chief hasn’t let up on his stance though, saying the officer did everything withing the rule book and didn’t violate any code nor cross the line by tasing the fan. Infact, he has even boasted that they’ve stepped up efforts lately with their security at the stadium, calling them a ‘top of the line’ staff.

He then played some radio chatter for us that was intercepted before last nights game. It was a cell phone call between another kid and his dad asking him if it was OK for him to run across the field. “Our agents identified the kid before the game started and detained him immediately.” The security has clearly taken a no nonsense approach to protecting the players from the fans. There are snipers perched across the top of the stadium now and they will be there each game for the remainder of the season. Their contracts though only lasts until August, which we found kind of odd, as if the Phillies don’t plan to have any games during the post season.

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Eric Byrnes talked out of suicide squeeze attempt by suicide hotline

May 4, 2010 By Leave a Comment

97758238LB007_SEATTLE_MARINSEATTLE – When Ichiro Suzuki came flying down the line in the bottom of the 11th last Friday night in Seattle, the last thing he expected was batter Eric Byrnes to to take the pitch and pull the bat back in a failed suicide squeeze attempt. During a suicide squeeze attempt, the runner leaves from 3rd base when the pitcher starts his wind-up, and the hitter squares to bunt and tries to but the ball no matter where it is pitched. Failing to put the ball in play will 99% of the time cause the base runner to be out.

Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington was actually ejected from the game for arguing balls and strikes on that play because the pitch was called a ball, and he figured there was no possible way hitter would not offer at the pitch.

After the game, Byrnes announced that he was nervous in the dugout before the at-bat, knowing that his manager Don Wakamatsu was going to ask him to execute a suicide squeeze. Byrnes, who rarely bunts, wasn’t sure how to handle the situation so he got help from a suicide help hotline, who talked him out of the “suicide attempt.”

“He got cold feet,” said Wakamatsu. “We were all set up for the suicide, and at the last second he changes his mind and screws up the whole play. I hope he is happy with his decision, because I’m going to make sure he is not around here any longer.”

Wakamatsu lived up to his word; Byrnes was cut by the Mariners on Sunday night.

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After opening day loss, Yankees to consider rebuilding

April 5, 2010 By Leave a Comment

yankeesBOSTON – It couldn’t get anyworse for Yankees fans at Fenway park after the Yankees took 9-7 loss. They saw their favorite team crumble right before their very eyes.
After a successful previous season, many had the Yankees repeating their run again as they still have a healthy and fearsome squad lined up this season. However, after last night, some Yankees fans and staff, felt it was over for them.
“We have the best team in the league! and we still lost!” said an unidentified screamer from the seats. Yankee Pitcher, C.C Sabathia couldn’t take the heat of pitching against the red sox and was clearly exhausted halfway into the game. Yankee fans were bothered by the sight of it all and wished their star pitcher would lose weight. “We have the fattest pitcher out there right now. It was like seeing Glen ‘Big Baby’ Davis out there. What probably would’ve kept him going was a platter of pork brisket being served to him after every pitch” said another fan.
We thought it was too early in the season to throw such criticism as teams ought to still be trying to find their bearings, however not New York. According to them, their other teams suck right now so Yankees are all they’ve got left. Some have been rumored to push George Steinbrenner to signing Lebron to be a Yankee instead of a Knick. An indication of how bad they feel about the New York Knicks for example, being successful, even with Lebron.

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Declining rate of positive drug tests proving baseball is boring

March 8, 2010 By Leave a Comment

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PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla- At spring training facilities in Florida and Arizona, fans are grumbling about the lack ofexcitement in this season’s early games. Since Major League Baseball instituted its newest drug policy in 2006, the game has become uninteresting and more boring. With 50 game, 100 game, and lifetime bans awaiting players who test positive for anabolic steroids or HGH, the rate of positive tests is rapidly declining, and putting most fans to sleep around the fifth inning. Fans are not as excited for baseball games when there is no 6-5 270 lb behemoth launching home runs 500 feet.

“We all want to see the home runs,” said Joel Hinder of Flushing, NY. The long time Mets fan is disappointed in what the game has become. “Strategy?” asked Hinder, “who wants to see teams manufacture themselves one single run with sac flies and bunts when there used to buy guys who would get up and just blast the ball over the wall?”

While players and managers today may like the dedication and hard work it takes to make it to the the show, fans are more interesting in athletes who inject themselves with illegal substances to enhance their performance.

“I miss having the pitcher out there who could bring it over 100 mph on every pitch, and if he broke your bat, he wasn’t afraid to pick up the broken part and chuck it right back at you,” said die-hard Mets fan and Hempstead native Mikey Southwick, describing and act that accused steroid user Roger Clemens once did in a game.

Its much more exciting not only when players are blasting home runs, but the threat of a ‘roid rage is prevalent at any time.

Fans can only hope that MLB will relax on its drug policy in 2010, and allow players to due whatever it takes to turn the sport into the great game it once was.

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Outfielder yawns in critical moment during baseball game

March 8, 2010 By Leave a Comment

chrisduncanWASHINGTON – Chris Duncan, a left fielder for the Washington Nationals was caught yawning on camera recently during a practice game for the team. As we could tell from the coach’s reaction, he was very displeased. “This is baseball! there’s alot of players that would give up everything to be in his shoes and he’s treating it like this is nothing!”

Duncan, a well respected 5 year vet, is clearly not new to the sport at the pro-level, so it did surprise us that he’d tick off his coach to this degree. When reached for comment, Duncan quickly jested that the coach should calm down that it wasn’t a real game. “This is baseball for crying out loud! Ive been standing in one spot for like 10 minutes and nothing happened! It’s like watching paint dry out there while munching on gum, so forgive me if i let out a yawn, It’s human nature.”

The bases were loaded with 2 outs brewing and a pitcher was the player at bat. The bases coach expected every player in the dug out and on the field to be intensely focused and prepared because anything could happen. Tensions did die down though as the coach was kindly reminded that he coaches the Nationals.

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Red-hot Pirates playing best baseball in years

February 15, 2010 By Leave a Comment

PITTSBURGH- It is still only February, but the Pittsburgh Pirates have yet to lose game this season and are playing some of their best baseball in years. Not since the club reached the NLCS in 1992, can anybody in Pittsburgh remember going more than a day or two without a loss.

“This is the best time of year for baseball in Pittsburgh” said die-hard fan David Howling of Pittsburgh, PA. “The weather is still cool, the Pirates still got a shot at winning the division and haven’t mailed in the season yet.” Last year, by the all-start break the Pirates were already well out of chance at the playoffs.

It has been 17 seasons since the Pirates last made the playoffs, but the Steelers are only one year removed from their sixth Super Bowl championship, and the Penguins are the defending Stanley Cup Champions. Manager John Russell is hoping to reverse the baseball club’s losing tradition.

“We are happy we can bring an excitement to this city, I know its a surprise to most that the team is playing so well right now, but know we have what it takes to keep this streak going.” said the Russell. His hope is that nobody actually notices that the reason the team isn’t losing, is because it hasn’t played any games yet.

It is not every year the Pirates can go on such a streak, one that pitcher Zach Duke has learned to cherish. “Look, I know we haven’t played an actual game yet, but this is the best time of the season. I’ve watched this team struggle for a few years now, and I know that this is as good as its going to get, and I’m really proud of the way this team is playing right now” said the 2009 all-star. Duke finished last season 11-16 with a 4.06 ERA.

The 2010 MLB season doesn’t look very promising for the club, however the Pirates hope they can continue their hot streak, even when spring training camp opens in Florida next week.

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