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New Nets Owner yet to be convinced that free agents are not actually free

May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Mikhail-ProkhorovNEW JERSEY- After a brief front office meeting, newest Nets owner, Mikhail Prokorov, stormed out of the meeting rooms in anger after a disagreement over free agents. We were unable to get a word from him but a spokesman for the team at the meeting explained that there was a disagreement on what a free agent actually is.

We were baffled and demanded more explanation. Another team source at the meeting summarized the minutes, explaining that the meeting started off well until Prokorov said he cannot believe Lebron is going to be free. Another official corrected him saying “you mean ‘a Free Agent?’ but Prokorov insisted he was right to begin with. “I know he’s a FREE agent, that’s what i said, and I have good persuasion skills. We’ll save a lot money bringing James on board! See I was smart by taking over this team.”

The argument within the closed doors escalated at that point over the explanation of the term ‘free agent’. Prokorov didn’t want to hear he’d have to actually spend money to bring in Lebron, if he were interested. Apparently his plan to acquire Lebron, Wade, and Stoudamire have backfired on him and once he realizes how the NBA actually works, Nets fans may have to purchase more paper bags for this upcoming season.

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Local Cleveland man quick to remind everybody that he is actually from Boston

May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

NBA Finals Spurs Cavaliers BasketballCLEVELAND – Following the Cleveland Cavaliers disappointing exit from the 2010 NBA playoffs at the hands of the Boston Celtics, local man and huge Cavaliers and LeBron James fan Mike Mestrick, 28, was quick to point out to all his friends, family, and co-workers that he is actually from Boston. Not long after watching the the Cavaliers lose game 6 at a downtown Cleveland sports bar, Mestrick was witnessed taking off his #23 James throwback jersey and tossing it in a city garbage can. Mestrick, like most douche-bag Boston fans, wants everybody to know that he still supports his hometown team.

“I support the Cavs since I live here, but I gotta stay loyal to Boston, show everybody where I am from, especially if they are winning,” said Mestrick.

Even though he moved to Cleveland when he was four, and spent the majority in his life in the downtown area, Mestrick has no problem abandoning his local teams when a Boston team is doing well.

“You know if one of my hometown teams is winning I gotta get behind them. When the Patriots were in the Super Bowl I had to dust off my Tony Eason jersey that I got for Christmas as a kid, and not let any other Patriots fans know that I am Browns season ticket holder,” explained the transplanted Bostonian. “I just like to root for a winner, everybody knows that in Cleveland that doesn’t ever happen.”

Expect Mestrick to ditch his Indians gear and pull out his old Wade Boggs jersey this fall if Red Sox make a push towards the World Series.

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Shaq to donate $1000 to Make-a-Wish Foundation for every free-throw he makes

May 13, 2010 By Leave a Comment

D067930023.jpgCLEVELAND – After a gut-wrenching game 5 loss, the cavaliers now stand at a 3 – 2 disadvantage against Boston. In turn, the media has taken jabs at Cleveland for turning in a sub par effort on their homecourt. However, Shaquille O’neal, an experienced player in the playoffs has done his effort to dry up the dampened spirits in Cleveland.

Earlier on Wednesday, Shaq announced that he promises to donate to charity in hopes to put a smile on everyone’s faces. Local cleveland fans thought this was a sweet thing of him to do. Lately, Shaq has been making the news but in a negative light. So far this year, he has been known to put on wigs and sing in the mirror, squabble with young players about nicknames and in previous years he’s been known for publically asking LA Laker Kobe Bryant how his ass tastes.

This time around, Shaq was quoted at a public press conference saying “Cleveland should smile again, remember the little kids, they are our future and they shouldn’t be overlooked because of basketball. Basketball is just a game, but these kids are our future.” Mothers in the crowd became teary eyed, but for a different reason.

After Shaq claimed he will donate $1000 to the Make-a-Wish foundation for every free throw he makes, the crowd of fans gasped in disbelief. “We just got fooled man!” said a crowd spectator, “how does he expect this to impact the foundation?” Another member commented that Shaq should’ve just written a check because we know he has enough money to support the charity well without putting a dent in his wallet.

The fans are mainly worried because he is known for missing free throws at an incredibly low rate. Some fans still remain optimistic, hoping he really does have a kind heart and this will motivate him to work on his free throws. Shaq did decline comment after a member suggested he donates to charity for every free throw he misses.

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Illegal Phoenix Suns fans to be detained, true fan count down to 20

May 10, 2010 By Leave a Comment

sunsfanPHOENIX- As fans rioted the streets Sunday evening, the general consensus was that there was another public protest about the latest law regarding immigration in Arizona. There is a new law that gives police in Arizona the legal authority to inquire about anyone’s immigration status and have them show proof if by any means they look suspicious to the officer. However, Deputy Tom Branston, one of the officers standing guard pointed out there wasn’t any indication of protest but rather celebration.

Apparently, as soon as game 4 ended, the street of Phoenix fell onto an uproar as many fans left their house and ran naked onto the streets. Branston commented, “It was crazy, there was even this bandwagon that rolled out empty in the middle of Mesa road, downtown; before you knew it, like 30 people jumped in and took off!” Some local Suns fans were overheard saying that they’ve finally won it all. One fan in particular, whose name we couldn’t get yelled, ‘we’re the 2010 Champions baby! whooo!’. After we informed him that they’d still have to face the winner of the utah-lakers game and then face the champion of the Eastern conference afterwards, he had a look of horrid disbelief on his face.

More authorities had to step in when things got a bit riled up and stores started being burned down. They took the opportunity to demand proof of residency in Arizona to over 200 riot participants and ended up arresting roughly 180. It turned out they didn’t really live in Arizona and they were previously fans of other teams like Dallas and Oklahoma City.

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Atlanta Hawks hoping to make lottery pick position with playoff losses against Orlando

May 10, 2010 By Leave a Comment

atlanta-hawksATLANTA- After their latest loss by quadruple digits, the Hawks FO issued a statement this morning saying that they hope they’re helping their chances of landing a young rookie in the draft lottery this upcoming offseason. Nothing seems to be going well for Atlanta in this series they have against Orlando as they’re down 3-0 and have probably been outscored a total of 423 points to 46.

“We’ve asked Joe Johnson, Josh Smith and Al Horford to start bricking and air-balling shots and they’ve followed our command. We know what we’re doing, we have another trick rolled up our sleeve this season” said a spokesperson for the Hawks. Jamal Crawford on the other hand, clearly seems to have an issue with what they’re trying to accomplish here. He’s been their leading scorer while coming off the bench, however Bibby who claimed he hadn’t gotten the memo didn’t seem to have an issue with it because he always bricks shots.

When reached for comment, Orlando Magic’s Dwight Howard, responded that he knows the Hawks are better than what they’ve shown and that he thinks something is not right with the organization. He also said he wondered why he hasn’t been getting fouled out. Dwight then proceeded to make funny faces and impressions even though we didn’t ask him to.

We informed the Hawks that the lottery and draft pick positions had already been set but our words reached deaf ears as they’ve started receiving orders for Evan Turner jerseys.

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hey kidz

May 7, 2010 By Leave a Comment

hi.. whats new..

just came by to acknowledge what’s been one of my least productive weeks ever.. (no stories and no new video of the week) after one of my most productive weeks ever (all stories written by me).. so one can say we’re even.. right?

anyway.. ive been sick today.. yes the day i was going to announce that we’re going to start updating biweekly now.. so i’ll just announce it.. errm.. right now..

we’re going to be putting out new stories twice a week… Look for new stories every Monday and Thursday. There will still only be one ‘video of the week’ and the stories on thursday would not block out the ones written on Monday.

Either way just log on and read the damn stories!

What else? Oh yeah… Sports related stuff.. let’s get to it..

It’s no secret my team, the Spurs, are getting their asses beat right now. This gives the average Suns fan a boner I can tell.. i don’t blame them.. beating the Spurs in the playoffs alone is an achievement in itself..

which other spurs fan enjoyed it as much as i did when we started getting blunders like Richard Jefferson traveling and Tim Duncan missing a layup :D ?

Anyways.. who caught the Orlando / Atlanta game? No not the first game where Atlanta got their asses handed to, but the second game where Atlanta got their asses handed to. Seriously, should this even be considered a playoff series? This is the worst showing, of talent disparity between the top seeds and the bottom in the East. Or should I say, the best showing? Somehow I have a feeling Milwaukee would’ve given Orlando a tougher run… This is the same Milwaukee that surprised me when I actually heard they were in the playoffs; I had no idea they were doing that well. They took Atlanta to 7 games without their star player, that alone is shameful of Atlanta in itself. They shouldn’t deserve to win. At this point, it’d be a paradox seeing Atlanta win one game against the Magic. If they did, it’d probably be a buzzer beater desperation fullcourt shot. On a side note.. in a couple of weeks, i’m going to be participating on a 3 on 3 basketball tournament. I talk all this smack about NBA players, lets see if i can walk the walk. I’ll provide pics and video :D .

OK back to the site.. Can anyone like write my co authors a letter or post a comment here begging them to put their 2 cents on anything on their blogs? I’m kinda getting tired of brushing up the cobwebs on their pages. This is what i saw when I went back to PBeezy’s blog for example.

Oh yeah.. another thing.. the funny cats at slamdumb.com gave me a knee slapper the other day. Check it out

They’re good guys over there.. haha-larious as i like to say.. check out their other comics and articles also.

Wow.. I must say that’s a good load of basketball talk in one sitting.. especially on a site that claims to cover a lot of sports and not just basketball.. can’t help it.. we’re just basketball heads. It’s what’s being shoved down our throats from the media the most right now. That, and baseball.. we don’t have much baseball prowess right now but we’re trying.

Our favorite team, the Oakland Raiders made headlines by cutting former #1 overall pick, Jamarcus Russell.

Russell: father forgive them.. for they know not what they do..

Yeah I know, the highest achievement by Jamarcus is being the #1 overall pick. I mean, I admire this guy. He’s smart as hell. He totally Rick Astley’d the Raiders organization by impressing them to the point they picked him over 300 other athletes that year. Hey they needed a quarterback.. you can’t blame them for picking him over players like Calvin Johnson, Patrick Willis and Adrian Peterson. Brady Quinn was the next best QB available and he’s had a better career than Russell. See, I say Russel’s smart because after holding out big time to get that max contract of whatever it was, I believe he got immediately to investing that money, because, I mean.. be serious.. he got a 68 million dollar contract.. imagine what you and i could do with that money. I sure as hell wouldn’t wanna risk getting hurt out there when I already got my money in the bank.Hell.. I’d do what Jamarcus did even if i got a 10 thousand dollar contract instead.. get drafted.. sign the contract.. and then..tank the career.. He probably lives in some nice two bedroom apartment that has rent like 650 bucks a month. Russel is set. Maybe he may have more things to do on his free time like play football or something..

anyways.. I’m all out of blog ideas now.. how was that? I’m still getting used to this blogging thing.. It’s new.. work with me here.. I’ll try to get more stuff out there.. blogs n’ stories n’ whatever else you can possibly find on this site.. feel free to post a comment below.. let me know if my audience actually consists of real human beings.. I’m already a hit with the spambots..

alright.. over and out..

-Seb

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What up?

April 28, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Well after some rather interesting events.. im back… again.. i know.. settle down..

basically ill get right down to business..

we’re gonna be updating articles twice a week now.. instead of every monday.. yes.. i know.. settle down..

gonna see how that goes.. basically i just don’t wanna right about something on a monday that happened on the tuesday before.. if you get my drift… yea..

so if you are a fake basketball fan like me.. you may not have realized that the NBA playoffs are here.. due to your not watching the games because you’re ass busy and can’t catch a break.. i know.. settle down..

but yea it’s no secret.. im gonna come clean.. im a spurs fan.. and watching my spurs get creamed by dallas in game 5 made me wonder if the mavs really needed joey crawford afterall to win this game..

anyway.. in other news.. check this out:

ok.. now .. that’s pretty cool.. but i wasn’t as impressed as alot of ppl seem to be by that.. i mean im not saying yeah i can do that.. i mean.. i ain’t gonna go up there and bust my ass trying to dunk a ball while backflipping off a 20 foot ladder.. it is hard enough.. but all my boy had to do here was fall down backwards and flip.. and land on the mat.. oh yeah.. make sure the ball goes in.. ive seen worse at basketball games..

however.. if dwight howard or nate robinson comes back into an nba dunk contest.. they have to do that dunk.. agreed? im tired of seeing old faces in dunk contests..

speaking of dwight howard..

you’ve now been featured on our newly unofficial

YOU’VE BEEN STERNED!!!

yes dwight.. you’ve just won a $35,000 deduction from your paycheck for talking about the refs in your blog..

i mean.. you decided to go on your online blog and freely express an opinion of yours that included the referees in an nba game in a negative manner… hahaha.. silly dwight.. who do you think you are??? me??

you may be superman but stern is yo’ kryptonite ;)

ok pretend i didn’t say that..

anyway.. that’s all i can ramble about at this very moment.. im trying to decide whether i should order chinese or pizza.. or both..

ahh ill just have a hotdog..

im real excited about doing 2 stories a week tho.. if you somehow stumbled across this area and u dont know what our site is about.. just click the banner at the very top of the page because im too lazy to put a link in here..

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Dallas Mavericks to acquire Joey Crawford for game 5 against San Antonio Spurs

April 26, 2010 By 1 Comment

GYI0050862060.jpgDALLAS- After a crushing defeat in San Antonio, Mav fans and Mark Cuban himself are left wondering what to make of their post season. The big trade that occured back in February to bring in Butler and Haywood may not be enough according to critics and fans alike. “The Spurs are playing the best basketball right now and I hate them for that. Also, the riverwalk is dirty incase you didn’t know” commented Cuban on Sunday night after the loss.

Cuban then expressed his desire to come back at the Spurs by unleashing yet another secret weapon. Thinking it was some player on the bench, he left us guessing whom exactly until he revealed it as none other than NBA referee Joey Crawford.

“Crawford hates the spurs even more than I do! This should really help us out here as I feel more confident in him than I do in Dirk” said Cuban. Crawford has a track record of making questionable foul calls, especially against the Spurs. One of his most notable was when he ejected Tim Duncan for laughing during a Mavs game.

There will be a press conference held this afternoon with Cuban and Crawford addressing the media. Crawford had gotten in contact with us and briefly stated that he is excited to be part of a respectable organization and will do everything he can to bring a trophy to Dallas.

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Joakim Noah forced to live in Cleveland as punishment for comments against City.

April 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment
JEFF HAYNES/AFP/Getty Images

JEFF HAYNES/AFP/Getty Images

CLEVELAND- On the Eve, of the 2nd game of the series between Chicago and Cleveland, Noah was issued his punishment for what he said about Cleveland.

For those who weren’t aware, Noah quipped about Cleveland and how he wasn’t enjoying his time there. He also jested at the notion that ‘Cleveland sucks’. This apparently got fans and media native to Cleveland riled up and the attention of this has even managed to reach league management including David Stern.

When asked about what kind of punishment is in hand, a spokesperson for the Bulls said they were looking at forcing Noah to live in Cleveland for a day. “A financial penalty won’t teach Noah that what he did was wrong! Neither will a league suspension! We’ve got to really drill this lesson to him and we believe, forcing him to live in Cleveland will make him a new man once he’s out.”

This whole idea of penalty was unforseen and alot of people felt it was too extreme. Even Cleveland fans felt sorry for Noah having to live in Cleveland. “I know I live in Cleveland too and all but, seriously? c’mon guys.. it’s just jokes” said a Bob Wright, a Cleveland native and basketball fan.

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Utah Jazz to replace Mehmet Okur with random tall white guy

April 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment

mehmet_okurDENVER- Utah Jazz unfortunately lost Mehmet Okur with an injured achilles tendon during game 1 of the Utah vs. Denver playoff series. It was an unforeseen circumstance of course, and since they’ve already lost Andrei Kirilenko, the Jazz found themselves in a tough spot, scrambling to look for another replacement.

With the 2nd game of the series, coming in Monday night, several D-leaguers were anxious to get a spot on the Jazz roster; They got bad news however because the Jazz had already made the decision they were going to sign some guy they saw walking down the street on the way to the arena.

“I have an eye for talent, and I know that 7 foot tall gentleman out there can grab rebounds and block shots” said the team president. No one knew his name but they apparently didn’t need to. We were able to track the lucky individual now turned Jazz player and ask him a few questions but unfortunately he didn’t speak English. He’s some big guy from Ukraine from what we were able to tell by looking at his passport.

Deron Williams, was outraged by the new signing, and wondered if management really wanted to shoot for a championship. Management, however, responded with laughter at his thought of Utah winning an NBA championship

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