New York Yankees make pitch to land Lebron

LeBrons-Yankees-CourtNEW YORK – Just when the free agency period couldn’t get anymore crazier, the New York Yankees announced today that they are going to aggressively pursue bringing in Lebron James to New York. This decision apparently was made because the New York Knicks don’t seem to be exhausting their resources towards their campaign of recruiting Lebron, according to a Yankees spokesman. “We’re a whole lot unsure right now as to whether Lebron would come to New York, unlike 2 seasons ago when we were absolutely sure he’d be a Knick.” he added.

Other major players in the Lebron sweepstakes include Chicago and Miami and they seem to be in the major lead right now as far as swaying king james to join their teams. When asked why a baseball team would go after an NBA player with very little baseball experience, they simply responded that it’s because they’re rich. “Like 2pac says, It ain’t tricking if you got it” replied the Yankees spokesman. We reminded him that 2pac has never said such a thing, but he simply just flashed the HOVA sign at us.

After our meeting, we can say he seemed mysteriously confident in the Yankee chances of acquiring James. “The absence of a salary cap as well as making those Yankees hats he wears mean something should be enough logical reason for James to sign with the Yankees” said a self proclaimed NBA expert Ric Cumla. We really don’t know how he made it into our offices as we didn’t have any intention of getting his 2 cents on this matter. All we can advise however, is to wait like everyone else to see where Lebron goes.

Fans eagerly await free agency in anticipation of what team they will support next season

NEW YORK- Brian Jenkins a local new yorker and for the past five years a Cleveland Cavilers fan, says the anticipation of the looming free agency is killing him. Officially teams are allowed to court unrestricted free agency and attempt to lure them to their teams following the establishment of the salary cap which is set to be released on July 8th. Jenkins states though that he can not wait another minute let alone another 9 days. ” I honestly don’t think there is a bigger cavs fan in the world than me, I even got the mascot tattooed on my calf’s, when Mo decided to head to Hawai during the playoff series with the Celtics i cried, like physically cried but if Lebron leaves then i guess i’m going to have to start supporting a new team”. When questioned if he was a bigger cavs fan than those long term fans in Ohio, Jenkins retorted ” What the hell is an Ohio” after proceeding to point Ohio out on a map Jenkins confirmed that he always believed Ohio to have always been apart of Indiana. After being asked why he would desert the team that he beloved so much, Jenkins supported his claims stating that ” Why would i follow a team that has never do anything bar have LeBron James on it?”.

Similar scenes where reported in Toronto Where a mass migration has been taken place with half the citizens going to Illinois while the other half have fled to Florida.

Cavs Owner fined by league offices for having thoughts about Lebron

lebron_crybaby_big1CLEVELAND – As one of the GM’s walked to his car after a board meeting, he couldn’t help but glance at the outside walls of the Gund Arena. The side of the wall he was looking at was draped in an oversized poster of Lebron spreading his arms. The GM, Gus Johnson, then inhaled deeply and exhaled relieving some stress in the process. As he murmured under his breath about hoping Lebron stayed, secret agents quickly dispersed out of the dark corners of the street.

One of them yelled at Mr. Johnson and ordered him to step away from his vehicle and put his hands on his head. A scared and confused Johnson immediately obeyed every command but inquired about the commotion and felt innocent. One of the secret agents kindly explained that there had been orders from Mr. Stern himself to make sure nobody talks about or even thinks about Lebron James before the Free Agency period begins.

Johnson exclaimed that this was preposterous because he never said anything about Lebron. The agents then explained further that, there have been tracking devices that record conversations and thoughts installed on every GM. So far Cuban, Kerr, that guy from Atlanta, and now you have been caught. Every other GM has been careful about having any thoughts about Lebron.

Johnson still couldn’t’ believe what he was hearing and said he’s going to need a lawyer to counter sue stern for $25,000. We will cover more on this story should there be any more developments.

Jake Delhomme: “I want to take the Browns to the Superbowl”

panthers0307.ART_G3G167V8V.1+delhommemug.embedded.prod_affiliate.6CLEVELAND-During a press conference on Sunday, Jake Delhomme was all smiles again as he sat behind the booth waiting for the questions to start. Delhomme, now a Browns’ Quarterback, inked the deal the previous day.

Delhomme, was obviously greatful and giddy over the new deal. We had reported previously that he was worried other teams may realize he sucks after his emotional press conference that was held after his release from the Panthers. It was great to see Delhomme happy again, even for non Panther fans, as this could be seen as a new start.

Most of the questions were directed at the Browns organization, with the concern of Brady Quinn’s future. After, 10 minutes, the conference was over and everyone laid silent as Delhomme still sat at the podium. It was an awkward moment of silence until an anxious Delhomme yelled, “well!! aren’t you going to ask me!?”.

The reporters looked puzzled as to what he was talking about. One of us kindly asked, “ask you what sir?”. Delhomme replied, “ask me about what i expect to accomplish here in Cleveland!”. I felt that was a fair question and was surprised noone asked the typical obvious question like we always do to NFL players during conferences. I then, stepped up to ask away. Delhomme couldn’t even wait to finish before he blurted out, “I WISH TO TAKE THE BROWNS TO THE SUPERBOWL!! GET IT?!? HEHEHE”. Of course we got it, but we weren’t really laughing as it’s obviously an old joke.

Delhomme picked up on the failed joke immediately and finally stopped smiling and explained, “Listen, you think i wanna play for Browns? Seriously, what the hell am i gonna do here? I know i suck! but ever since I was a kid, it’s been my lifelong dream to say that in the press!” Delhomme definitely surprised us with those comments but he wasn’t done yet. “One could say I was disappointed when i got signed to Carolina, I wanted to have this moment, this opportunity to say the joke on national TV! and now I am at peace with myself”. Delhomme then closed his eyes and calmly stared at the ceiling, wearing a smile again.

For the first time ever, an athlete during a press conference had left us speechless. We fear for Cleveland’s immediate future. We would have stayed more to see what developed but we infact had to take the browns to the superbowl.

Nets Hoping for NIT Bid

netslogoNEW JERSEY-As the season approaches its end, the New Jersey Nets are on strong pace for having the worst record in the league. As of today, they’ve only amassed 7 wins… and 58 losses. This dismal record can only have 1 good thing about it, and that’s having the #1 draft pick for the following season.However, Nets coach, Kiki Vandeweghe was singing a different tune.

As the NCAA tournament approaches, Kiki couldn’t hide a smile from his face as he said his Nets may get a spot in the NIT tourney. “Our boys play hard every night, there’s no doubt in my mind, but maybe the NBA is a little tough for them right now, so i’m hoping we place in the tourney this year. We may turn some heads our way” said Kiki.

He later on mused about how the Nets have great college players in Devin Harris, Terrence Williams, and Brook Lopez. Kiki acknowledges the NBA championship is definitely out of reach at this point, and he plans to take baby steps to reaching that goal. Getting an NIT bid would really bode well for Kiki and the Nets because that would be a step in the right direction according to the GM.

“I have it all lined up” said Kiki, “The NIT bid, our offseason roster moves, the John Wall draft, the Lebron acquisition, and then chaaaaampionshiiiippp!!” Kiki just requests for us remaining nets fans to keep our fingers crossed as we embark on a potential monumental offseason ahead of us.

Free Agent QB Jake Delhomme worried other teams may realize he sucks

PANJAKE0306_14.embedded.prod_affiliate.138CAROLINA- After an emotional press conference, Delhomme left fans wondering what team he would be on next, if there was a team interested. Delhomme stated he parted ways with the panthers with no hard feelings but what he’s worried about is that other teams have smart owners. We asked Delhomme to elaborate on this stance because we had no idea where he was coming from.

“Quite frankly, if you’ve seen the way i’ve played over the past few years, you’d ask yourself why the heck is Jake Delhomme playing pro ball?” said Delhomme. “I look like a freakin rookie out there, It’s only in my 5th year i realized that interceptions are a bad thing.” He also mentioned that he used to think interceptions were cool because the crowds sometimes cheered during them but he didn’t know why they boo’ed other times.

Steve Smith was sympathetic for Delhomme, but couldn’t fight hard enough to keep a grin off his face. “I wonder who our new QB’s gonna be.. I’m sure he’ll be one heckuva signal caller!” said Smith. We asked Smith why he’s so sure and Smith replied “because his name is not Jake Delhomme”.