Lebron James reluctant to ask for an extra quarter at laundromat

MINNESOTA – After the game winning shot in the final seconds of the game by Dwyane Wade, not Lebron, there was an expected sense of satisfaction and relief amongst all heat players and fans alike. “We’re now 4-0, the first time anyone can say they’re 4-0 to start a season as a Miami Heat.” said Wade in his postgame conference.

The night was over quick but Lebron apparently still had some unfinished business. Apparently sources say that James had spilled some red wine over his suit that he brought to Minnesota and the stain was quite obvious. Part of the irony behind this situation was that as highly paid as James is, he didn’t have any change laying around to do laundry.

Late in the night, lucky bystanders got the rare opportunity to witness James parade around the hotel. “To be honest, we were wondering why he was walking around so freely in public. I usually expect an entourage around the guy” commented an employee of the hotel. Other colleagues in the hotel, said James shyly approached them asking for some change at the in-house laundromat. “He literally asked me in a low voice if I had a quarter. I said unfortunately no sir! but why would you need a quarter? You’re Lebron!” said George Richmond, another hotel guest staying at the time. Lebron further went on to explain that he needs to get some laundry done quickly and he’s missing a 4th quarter. As soon as James said this, he caught himself and expressed disappointment as nearby listeners couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

James, yet again had to deal with the jokes once more. “Never once would I think even T-Wolves fans could make fun of me.” muttered Lebron as he left the area. Lebron decided that instead of wasting his time looking for extra change, he would simply go to a nearby mall and get a new suit. Unfortunately, when Lebron arrived the jokes just kept on piling on.

Apparently, Lebron went into the store with a wallet 100 dollar bills. 3 of them to be exact. The only suit in the store that was his size was approximately $400. The store clerk then burst out in laughter because Lebron apparently forgot his fourth $100 bill. Lebron then decided to up the ante and pay by credit card. Failure ensued again however, when his card was declined. The clerk kindly called up his credit card customer service rep and was informed that Lebron’s services only carry a 75% spending limit per day and he would go over it by charging it for this sale. The rep and the clerk traded snide laughs afterwards acknowledging that he’s unable to use the remaining 25%, a quarter of his daily spending allowance.

At this point it was clear that James was outraged and decided to head back to the hotel. He couldn’t make it back in good time to catch his flight however because after he made 3 right turns on the trip, he got lost. After eventually finding his way back, he missed the flight by a quarter past take off hour and had to take the next one. He decided he’d at least take a shot at karma by signing autographs to some airport goers. Unfortunately after the 3rd signature he signed, his pen broke.

Lebron James finally caught a plane on standby and flew him back to Miami to catch up with the rest of the team. Finally getting some rest after a long night, he then realized he had left his fourth piece of luggage which contained another suit at his home the entire time.

Lebron to make feature length movie about his free-agency decision

large_lebron_hammerCLEVELAND – Not too long after the announcement that Lebron James will be broadcasting his free agency decision, sources now say he plans to make a feature length movie about his tedious decision process. “Lebron is all about the big screen. This is why he skipped being on the USA team this summer.” commented a source. The movie is prospected to be roughly 3 1/2 hours long and film makers are predicting for this movie to be out by December.

Sources also confirm that James Cameron, the same director of Avatar, will be directing Lebron’s movie about the process. We are also informed that the movie is only strictly about the free agency and not about Lebron’s life. There hasn’t been any word on if there is an autobiography movie in the works for later, but we have a feeling it wouldn’t be a just a movie but a multi-season TV series that could rival with the Simpson’s current 20 year run.

Lebron fans as usual are excited for the news, even though they don’t know what jerseys they will be wearing to their viewing parties just yet, they’re just fairly stoked about a movie featuring their most favorite basketball superstar. “This isn’t even about basketball anymore! Lebron is big time! So what if he hasn’t won a championship yet!” said a loyal lebron fan nearby.

Should any more developments come about this, come here first to hear the news.

Fans eagerly await free agency in anticipation of what team they will support next season

NEW YORK- Brian Jenkins a local new yorker and for the past five years a Cleveland Cavilers fan, says the anticipation of the looming free agency is killing him. Officially teams are allowed to court unrestricted free agency and attempt to lure them to their teams following the establishment of the salary cap which is set to be released on July 8th. Jenkins states though that he can not wait another minute let alone another 9 days. ” I honestly don’t think there is a bigger cavs fan in the world than me, I even got the mascot tattooed on my calf’s, when Mo decided to head to Hawai during the playoff series with the Celtics i cried, like physically cried but if Lebron leaves then i guess i’m going to have to start supporting a new team”. When questioned if he was a bigger cavs fan than those long term fans in Ohio, Jenkins retorted ” What the hell is an Ohio” after proceeding to point Ohio out on a map Jenkins confirmed that he always believed Ohio to have always been apart of Indiana. After being asked why he would desert the team that he beloved so much, Jenkins supported his claims stating that ” Why would i follow a team that has never do anything bar have LeBron James on it?”.

Similar scenes where reported in Toronto Where a mass migration has been taken place with half the citizens going to Illinois while the other half have fled to Florida.

Sources say other sources’ sources are not as resourceful as the sourceses themselves

12198090531909861341man silhouette.svg.medSourceville – According to sources, there has been breaking news of other sources admitting that their sources aren’t as reliable as other sources they compete with. The first source of information came from an unknown source but was reported by another source. The problem however is that even though this source was certain of the source of the story, he didn’t have any back up or resources to prove the source was truthful, therefore the story until proven true is just a rumor.

Other sources couldn’t confirm the story or the source of the story but they claimed to have their own sources of a similar yet different story. Even though no one had the slightest idea of what the story or the source that reported this story, the nature of the story seemed like it was from a highly credible source. All that remains factual in the scheme of things is that there’s a story and there’s a source. The current off season in NFL and NBA are a major source of the commotion of source stories that are flooding media outlets. Despite some of these sources being factual, most of them are made up and just published to get a rise in views from the general public.

To combat the craziness of source rumors across the board, sources say there have been propositions of hiring sorcerers to truly predict what’s really going on behind the scenes. Sources say they feel threatened as the sorcerers will take away the thrill and excitement of not having an idea what’s going on. Other sources that haven’t been mentioned do claim that this whole story isn’t very resourceful at all, but Lebron James is going to be a New York Knick.

kwame brown unable to realise why other free agents do not wish to meet with him

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DETROIT- Former number one draft pick, Kwame Brown twittered the headline players of the free agent draft to meet with them this summer about possible destination for their future nba careers but the response?…nothing.

Cavs Owner fined by league offices for having thoughts about Lebron

lebron_crybaby_big1CLEVELAND – As one of the GM’s walked to his car after a board meeting, he couldn’t help but glance at the outside walls of the Gund Arena. The side of the wall he was looking at was draped in an oversized poster of Lebron spreading his arms. The GM, Gus Johnson, then inhaled deeply and exhaled relieving some stress in the process. As he murmured under his breath about hoping Lebron stayed, secret agents quickly dispersed out of the dark corners of the street.

One of them yelled at Mr. Johnson and ordered him to step away from his vehicle and put his hands on his head. A scared and confused Johnson immediately obeyed every command but inquired about the commotion and felt innocent. One of the secret agents kindly explained that there had been orders from Mr. Stern himself to make sure nobody talks about or even thinks about Lebron James before the Free Agency period begins.

Johnson exclaimed that this was preposterous because he never said anything about Lebron. The agents then explained further that, there have been tracking devices that record conversations and thoughts installed on every GM. So far Cuban, Kerr, that guy from Atlanta, and now you have been caught. Every other GM has been careful about having any thoughts about Lebron.

Johnson still couldn’t’ believe what he was hearing and said he’s going to need a lawyer to counter sue stern for $25,000. We will cover more on this story should there be any more developments.

Local Cleveland man quick to remind everybody that he is actually from Boston

NBA Finals Spurs Cavaliers BasketballCLEVELAND – Following the Cleveland Cavaliers disappointing exit from the 2010 NBA playoffs at the hands of the Boston Celtics, local man and huge Cavaliers and LeBron James fan Mike Mestrick, 28, was quick to point out to all his friends, family, and co-workers that he is actually from Boston. Not long after watching the the Cavaliers lose game 6 at a downtown Cleveland sports bar, Mestrick was witnessed taking off his #23 James throwback jersey and tossing it in a city garbage can. Mestrick, like most douche-bag Boston fans, wants everybody to know that he still supports his hometown team.

“I support the Cavs since I live here, but I gotta stay loyal to Boston, show everybody where I am from, especially if they are winning,” said Mestrick.

Even though he moved to Cleveland when he was four, and spent the majority in his life in the downtown area, Mestrick has no problem abandoning his local teams when a Boston team is doing well.

“You know if one of my hometown teams is winning I gotta get behind them. When the Patriots were in the Super Bowl I had to dust off my Tony Eason jersey that I got for Christmas as a kid, and not let any other Patriots fans know that I am Browns season ticket holder,” explained the transplanted Bostonian. “I just like to root for a winner, everybody knows that in Cleveland that doesn’t ever happen.”

Expect Mestrick to ditch his Indians gear and pull out his old Wade Boggs jersey this fall if Red Sox make a push towards the World Series.

Shaq to donate $1000 to Make-a-Wish Foundation for every free-throw he makes

D067930023.jpgCLEVELAND – After a gut-wrenching game 5 loss, the cavaliers now stand at a 3 – 2 disadvantage against Boston. In turn, the media has taken jabs at Cleveland for turning in a sub par effort on their homecourt. However, Shaquille O’neal, an experienced player in the playoffs has done his effort to dry up the dampened spirits in Cleveland.

Earlier on Wednesday, Shaq announced that he promises to donate to charity in hopes to put a smile on everyone’s faces. Local cleveland fans thought this was a sweet thing of him to do. Lately, Shaq has been making the news but in a negative light. So far this year, he has been known to put on wigs and sing in the mirror, squabble with young players about nicknames and in previous years he’s been known for publically asking LA Laker Kobe Bryant how his ass tastes.

This time around, Shaq was quoted at a public press conference saying “Cleveland should smile again, remember the little kids, they are our future and they shouldn’t be overlooked because of basketball. Basketball is just a game, but these kids are our future.” Mothers in the crowd became teary eyed, but for a different reason.

After Shaq claimed he will donate $1000 to the Make-a-Wish foundation for every free throw he makes, the crowd of fans gasped in disbelief. “We just got fooled man!” said a crowd spectator, “how does he expect this to impact the foundation?” Another member commented that Shaq should’ve just written a check because we know he has enough money to support the charity well without putting a dent in his wallet.

The fans are mainly worried because he is known for missing free throws at an incredibly low rate. Some fans still remain optimistic, hoping he really does have a kind heart and this will motivate him to work on his free throws. Shaq did decline comment after a member suggested he donates to charity for every free throw he misses.

Howard to sit out second half of tonights game to update his facebook status

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ORLANDO- The Orlando Magic sit in second place tonight where they face the first placed LeBron James Cavilers, in a contest that could be seen as a potential eastern conference final for the second year running but with rumors that Cavs player/coach Lebron James not playing tonight, Dwight Howard has asked to also be sited out. Reluctantly Magic coach Stan Van Gundy has compromised telling his franchise player that he only has to play the first half. ” We know we’re going finish second just like the cavs know they’re going to finish first, so i don’t really see why any fans would be upset, other than paying a lot of money to see me but other than that is there any other reason” Howard said as he questioned the plethora of reporters at his presence. When questioned as to what the nature of his leisure time was, Howard replied “Emm i got some things to do update my facebook status, send a couple of emails plus Matt Barnes hit me up on twitter so i’m really dying to see what he said”.

Dwight leads the league in facebook updates as well as twitter replies, although taking time of during a potentially eying up game could be seen as stat padding from the big man’s part. Regardless Howard notched up his 25,0000 twit (editors note: Is that what it’s called) with the assist going to Jared Dudley who asked him what his favorite type of cheese was.

Lebron James officially a hypocrite for playing basketball

lebron_crybaby_big1CLEVELAND- In light of recent events in the media, Lebron James was seen picking up a stray basketball at a local gym and shooting a couple of baskets while fellow hoopers glanced in awe. Coincidentally, several media members just happened to be there along with our cameras. Lebron looked at one of the cameras and smiled saying, “sometimes you can’t help but do what you love to do”, then signed basketballs for everyone at the gym. He then cancelled a later appointment to play a little friendly pickup game, with the local gym members.

Now, Lebron had never done such a selfish ploy ever in his history of the NBA. So far this past week, he’s been stuffing our faces with twists and turns of his career, only to end up low balling everyone associated with the sport in anyway. We fail to understand how he thinks he’s so great that he can pick up any ball in any local gym and shoot it. There wasn’t any indication that it was his turn to shoot the damn ball. Also, who’s to say he didn’t bring the cameras there to save face?

As you may recall, earlier last week, Lebron was known for saying he can win the scoring title if he wants, but he wants to win a championship. That statement just screams selfish all over. Quite frankly, what has he done in his career that makes him think he has a shot at winning the scoring title?

As one can see, Lebron’s gone way over his head. He’s such a selfish blabbermouth. How can he nickname himself the king? and also what’s with him not entering the dunk contest? He clearly believes he is above everyone else and decides what’s best for him rather than what’s best for the nba community. Alot of people are clearly upset that we dont’ get to see his selfish, indulgent excuse of a player participate in a dunk contest. He clearly thinks he’s Jordan because he wants to retire the #23, and he doesn’t want to be in a dunk contest.

Having a player like Lebron has brought nothing but shame to this sport. We share all NBA fans’ feelings at this whole notion, and deeply regret ever having such a player step onto the scene. Here’s to Lebron having a career ending injury. The NBA shall return to its glory days once again.