Eli Manning sets goal to throw only 12 interceptions this season

10_Eli_ManningNEW YORK – After announcing his upcoming participation in Saturday’s preseason game, Eli aimed to give his fans a glimpse of hope and relief. Manning says he plans to bring down his interceptions this season to a max of 12.

“I know i throw too many interceptions as it is already. I don’t have to read the newspapers to figure it out. I know i can’t turn this thing around over night but I will set goals each year and hopefully 5 years from now I can bring it down to 10.” Manning has suffered criticism since day 1 and has been in his brother, Peyton Manning’s, shadow for quite some time. After winning the superbowl a few years back, Manning’s career has seen an upwards turn of events but his interceptions have still haunted him.

Coach Coughlin has worked dearly with Manning to decrease his interception totals by employing strategies of having his wide receivers play defense while Manning is throwing. Some staff have even branched out to Peyton Manning to help coach his brother. “Only time will tell if our practices have worked toward this goal” said the Giants’ quarterbacks coach. Giants play their first game at 1pm EST on Sunday Sep. 12th.

NASA to send Saints’ CB Porter to intercept meteor

CAPE CANAVERAL- His interceptions of future Hall of Fame quarterbacks Brett Favre and Petyon Manning did more than just lock up NFC Championship and Super Bowl wins for the New Orleans Saints, NASA has taken notice of Tracy Porter as well. NASA has chosen the Saints’ cornerback to stop a meteor heading towards Earth. Experts at NASA have predicted that the meteor could strike Earth within the next two weeks, so after exhausting all other options, they have asked Porter to handle the task.

“The way he was able to stop Manning and Favre when it looked like for sure their teams were gonna score is unprecedented,” NASA spokesperson James Gould said. “You just don’t ever see someone pull that off. We know Tracy is the right man for the job.”

In both games this season, it looked for sure that the Vikings and Colts were going in for go-ahead or game-tying scores, when the little known cornerback came up with game changing interceptions that sealed the fate of the Super Bowl XLIV Champion Saints. With the fate of the world resting in his hands, Porter is excited for the opportunity and ready for the challenge.

“Meteors have the same characteristics as Favre and Manning: they are both known as unstoppable forces,” said the Super Bowl XLIV champion. “Stopping Favre and Manning in their tracks was huge. I am an immovable object, ready to stop this rock in its tracks.” Porter is confident in his ability after his performance in his last two games.

The people of Earth can only hope that Porter is able to repeat his performance for the third time in a row, and stop the meteor from destroying the world.

After Super Bowl loss, Cooper now Archie’s favorite son

MIAMI- Shortly after the New Orleans Saints’ victory 31-17 victory over the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLIV, former NFL quarterback and father of current NFL quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning, Archie Manning announced that his eldest son Cooper is now his favorite.

“After the embarrassing season Eli had, and the Super Bowl losing performance Peyton just had, I just want everybody to know that Cooper is now the son that I am most proud of” said Archie.

Cooper’s greatest accomplishment is a guest spot on a Simpsons episode. He currently is a partner in a New Orleans energy investment firm.

Despite Eli and Peyton’s past Super Bowl championships, Archie is a ‘what have you done for me lately?’ dad, and said he has no time for losing sons. “Cooper’s investment is the best thing this family has going right now” said the former Saints quarterback. “I do not want to be associated with either of my other two loser sons, until they do something significant.” Archie, whose greatest accomplishment is being the father of two NFL quarterbacks, is not happy with either one of their 2009/10 performances.

Cooper Manning is ecstatic about the announcement, finally gaining his father’s respect after 36 years.