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Adidas to create new world cup soccer ball out of cotton

May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

soccer-ball1SOUTH AFRICA- Due to the recent uproar on many world cup players’ dislike for the newest ball, an Adidas spokesman publically commented today that Adidas has taken all the negative feedback into consideration and have created the newest model to symbolize everyone of the players who took the time to critique the ball.

“We at Adidas, believe that the customer is always right, and we wouldnt be where we are today without them.” said the spokesman as he brought out a new prototype ball released by Adidas. “This will be our new ball, there’s more control, less painful on the feet, and it just feels so darn good you’d wanna play without shoes on” he added.

Many players couldnt’ believe what they just heard and thought it was a joke. The Adidas spokesman however never cracked a smile, which makes him look as serious as possible. This was sudden news to alot of the players but they couldnt’ gather their thoughts together and make a formal agreement to be heard due to their inability to understand each other’s languages.

When they get a universal translator to decipher what they all think, we will cover more on this story.

Filed Under: .Headlines, FOOTBALL/SOCCER Tagged With: , , ,

Report: Sidney Crosby detained by U.S. authorities

March 8, 2010 By Leave a Comment

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PITTSBURGH- Sources are reporting that after scoring the game winning goal in overtime last Sunday in Canada’s 3-2 overtime triumph over the United States in the gold medal Olympic hockey game, the Pittsburgh Penguins superstar was held up by TSA agents who considered not letting him back in to the country. In the most watched hockey game since 1980, Americans tuned in only to see their hopes of a gold medal dashed by Canada’s favorite son. When his return flight from Vancouver to Pittsburgh landed, TSA agents immediately boarded the plane and apprehended Crosby. TSA agents were under the impression that since he beat the United States, he must have been some sort of threat to the country. For a short time, Crosby was held up by security who did not think he should be allowed back. After explaining his role on the Penguins, agents decided he was no threat to the country.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NHL, Olympics Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

After upset loss to USA, Canada considering canceling Olympics

February 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment

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VANCOUVER- Jamie Langenbrunner’s goal at 7:09 of the third period to give the United States a 4-2 lead at the time over Canada would hold up to be the game winner as the United States upset Canada in Vancouver on Sunday giving the Americans their Olympic win over the Canadians in 50 years. Sidney Crosby would score a goal with just under four minutes left would bring the Canadians with in one before Ryan Kesler’s hustled to a loose puck and back handed it with one arm for an empty net goal with 45 seconds left would seal the Americans 5-3 victory. Canada, whose national sport is hockey, who have been focused on winning gold on home soil in hockey, are so distraught after the loss, are considering forcing everybody out of Vancouver and canceling the Olympic games.

“Hockey is what we live for as Canadians. We’ve been waiting for this moment for the last four years, so we can celebrate winning gold and proving that hockey is our sport, and we are the best in the world at it” said Canadian Olympic Committee President Michael Chambers.

“Lets be honest,” continued Chambers, “Nobody up here really cares about the other sports. Its all about hockey in the great white north. If Canada is gonna struggle at the sport we live for, we might as well just cancel the games all together. These Olympics would be meaningless without a gold in hockey for Canada.”

All of Canada has been excited for these Olympic Games, especially for Hockey. Nearly the entire nation tuned in on Sunday only to see their beloved heroes lose to the rival Americans. Canada Hockey Place, the home for ice hockey at the Olympics, was a sea of red with maple leaf flags waving all over the place. Fans were also bitterly disappointed also by the result.

“If we can’t win at hockey, then whats the point of supporting my country,” wondered Jan Fletcher of Surrey, BC, who attended the game. She added that “if they’re not going to win gold, then these entire games are a waste of time and an embarrassment.”

The COC will take 48 hours to asses the situation and make an announcement. However, Internatioal Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge said that despite the Candians disappointment, the games will continue.

Filed Under: .Headlines, NHL, Olympics Tagged With: , , , , ,

Male ice skater reveals cameltoe outline on his crotch

February 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment

CANADA- During a practice run prior to the men’s figure skating finals, all eyes were on the ice skating rink as fans knew they were about to witness an intense matchup. The major players that took the ice were Evan Lysacek, Evegni Plushenko and Daisuke Takahashi. Fans certainly expected a preview of what they were about to witness on the grand stage, however they weren’t expecting a preview of one of the skater’s crotches.

Granted, given the spandex and leotards these skaters wear, one can’t help but notice the outlining of a skater’s full figure. This figure they saw though, was a cameltoe outline on his crotch, only expected to be seen on a female ice skater’s body.

“Parents immediately grabbed their kids and left the scene” said an usher as we interviewed him about the public reaction. It seemed that everyone in the arena saw his crotch except the skater himself. This usually never happens in the sport and authorities are left wondering how he passed the preliminary tests to participate in the Winter Olympics without anyone realizing he is possibly is or was a woman at a point.

The Olympics committee couldn’t be reach for further questioning on the issue but it would be interesting to see if a medal win is in store for the un-identified skater.

Filed Under: .Headlines, Olympics Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Male figure skater swears he is not gay

February 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment


VANCOUVER- Alexander Setisov, an Olympic figure skater from Belarus, announced he was not gay on Sunday. Despite his frilly competition outfit, perfect hair, and outstanding hygiene, the Olympian maintains that he is not homosexual, and does it purely for the love of the sport.

“The grace and athleticism involved in the sport of men’s figure skating is what drew me to the sport.” said Stetisov. “I am not gay, I just like to dance and dress up while on ice.”

There is an assumption among many people who watch the sport that most men’s skaters are undoubtedly gay. Whether is the bouquets flowers they collect after a performance, crown of roses some may put on their head while waiting for judges’ scores, or the tissues they use to wipe their eyes after a performance, it becomes difficult not to question the sexual orientation of these athletes. As hard as it is to imagine, Setisov also announced that here are other heterosexual competitors in the sport as well.

“I’m not the only hetero either,” added the skater. “There are a few others too, and we pretty much get our pick of the litter when it comes to the female skaters.”

He mentioned most female skaters will attest to the fact that he is the Tiger Woods of figure skating. Setisov wondered why so many people assume that all male skaters are homosexual.

“This sport takes unbelievable commitment and physical conditioning. I don’t understand the homosexual connotation.”

Despite these announcements, most of the reporters and journalists just rolled their eyes and were still skeptical. Setisov is not expected to medal in Vancouver.

Filed Under: .Headlines, Olympics Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

FeBOREary

February 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

February is the slowest time of the year in the sports world. The NFL just ended, MLB is still yet to start (a sport which may have been just invented so there is something to do during the football offseason), the NBA is its usual non-competitive self since everybody already knows either the Lakers or Cavs are gonna win The Finals unless somehow the Celtics or Nuggets go nuts, and the NHL is on its Olympic break.

Thankfully however, it is indeed an Olympic year. Just like the World Cup, it gives me a reason to watch a sport I normally wouldn’t care about except for every four years. The Olympics showcase some of the greatest athletes in the world, at sports that are rarely glorified. I can’t imagine the endurance it takes to cross country ski 12.5 kilometers, and stopping four times along the way and being able to keep a steady hand while exhausted to hit five targets 160 ft away that are the size of a half dollar. The freestyle skiing events hurt my knees just by watching them. The downhill skiing events have participants flying down the mountain at speeds I could never imagine and the crashes are intense. All these athletes in the games, except maybe curling, have incredible strength and athleticism, most of which we only get to enjoy every four years.

I get into all the sports during the Olympics. I’ve even been caught watching Curling.

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