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God starting to get upset at Maradona for not returning his hand

June 26, 2010 By Leave a Comment
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Constipated Maradona

SOUTH AFRICA – Argentina has looked tough to beat so far in the world cup and they are starting to become favorites and gaining more trust from even local Argentinians themselves. After a dark cloud of doubt that surrounded their world cup roster their coach Diego Maradona is even demanding an apology for his critics and nay sayers who implied he won’t be able to coach at this level.
Being the devout soccer heads, a lot of Argentinians and other fans around the world have applauded his performance so far and are willing to admit they were wrong initially when it came to their opinions about Maradona as a coach. There was however one significant Argentina fan who begged to differ about his opinion on Maradona’s performance.

“Honestly, I could care less now. I just want my hand back.” said God. Luckily we were able to score an interview this past Saturday with him. God also mentioned that the whole ‘hand of God’ thing was supposed to be a joke at first but after he found out they were playing England, he let Diego borrow it afterall. “Quite frankly, I doubted anyone would find out I lent him my hand. I guess this free will thinking thing has its consequences.” God also went on to explain that Maradona was supposed to downplay the situation but he took it and ran with it and never gave him his hand back. “Now this clown pops out of nowhere and thinks he can coach? He’s just using my hand’s powers! How else do you think they won against Nigeria? and Portugal wasn’t even able to score a goal on them!”

A member of the press asked in return, why couldn’t God just forcibly take his hand back or make it disappear and give a fair game but he shook the area with a thunderous laugh as a reply. God then added that there’s no such thing as a “fair game” when it comes to these world cups. “Haven’t you seen the USA games? I have to keep modifying those games so they’d win. I don’t claim responsibility for those whack ass refs! I have no idea who they are, neither does Lucifer”. He did return to the subject though and mentioned that he’s not a forceful person and he will continue to reach out to Maradona kindly to return his hand.

One last question we had to God was a plea to start world peace, but unfortunately the interview was cut short during that question by his HTC Evo phone ringing. Maradona couldn’t be reached for comment. We did catch him in South Africa but when asked for an interview about God’s hand, he just gave us three middle fingers.

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Honda Motor Company non-cost advertising project in World Cup a success

June 14, 2010 By Leave a Comment

keisuke-honda-25310SOUTH AFRICA – After a 94 minute match that ended with a 1 – 0 victory for Japan over Cameroon, many Japanese nationals breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was their first World Cup victory ever that did not take place in Japan, and they achieved it against one of the titan teams in world cup soccer today. A group who even celebrated harder after the match was the Honda Corporation.

Best known for their cars, Honda the company decided to cut back on finances for advertisements after they learned Japan would be in the World Cup tournament. “It was a risky move for all of us” said Honda-Japan spokesman, Kenji Kawashima. The general plan was to let advertising run its course because Keisuke Honda, a player on the team also shared his last name with the company.

“We knew Keisuke would be a good striker. He shows great speed and great agility when it comes to adversity, just like our cars.” said Kenji. When Keisuke Honda scored the goal, Honda knew their profits would nearly triple. “We just hope he keeps it up in the World Cup, as this would put us over the edge when it comes to advert competition.”

There was further proof this tactic worked when a fan was interviewed after the match. The fan was quoted saying he had no idea what was going on but he got the sudden urge to buy a Honda before he left South Africa.

More Japanese companies are reportedly considering naming players after their company names but there’s little word as to whether it’s been effective. Japan has an upcoming match against Netherlands on June 19th. Stay tuned.

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Adidas to create new world cup soccer ball out of cotton

May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

soccer-ball1SOUTH AFRICA- Due to the recent uproar on many world cup players’ dislike for the newest ball, an Adidas spokesman publically commented today that Adidas has taken all the negative feedback into consideration and have created the newest model to symbolize everyone of the players who took the time to critique the ball.

“We at Adidas, believe that the customer is always right, and we wouldnt be where we are today without them.” said the spokesman as he brought out a new prototype ball released by Adidas. “This will be our new ball, there’s more control, less painful on the feet, and it just feels so darn good you’d wanna play without shoes on” he added.

Many players couldnt’ believe what they just heard and thought it was a joke. The Adidas spokesman however never cracked a smile, which makes him look as serious as possible. This was sudden news to alot of the players but they couldnt’ gather their thoughts together and make a formal agreement to be heard due to their inability to understand each other’s languages.

When they get a universal translator to decipher what they all think, we will cover more on this story.

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David Beckham tears achilles tendon; Americans relieved his face is ok.

March 15, 2010 By Leave a Comment

beckhamFINLAND- David Beckham is currently undergoing surgery in Finland for his achilles tendon. Due to a stress reaction from playing soccer in the final minutes of a Sunday game, Beckham was seen clutching his heel in agony, later on, fans saw it was a serious injury and it appeared his achilles tendon was torn.

Every Beckham fan and friend alike, was living a nightmare at that moment. “It’s just bad timing on everything, I mean the world cup is coming up. I know there’s alot of disappointed fans out there too.” said a frustrated Beckham. John Wooden, Beckham’s North American public relations officer, however said his american fan counterparts, have been singing a different tune.

Several interviews conducted around LA and Chicago, two of the MLS’ major franchised cities, showed a different reaction from fans to the injury. A decked out LA Galaxy fan was told of the injury and his response was a sigh of relief after he asked if his face had been damaged. “Really, I don’t watch soccer. All our teams in this city suck, and no.. dont’ bring up the LA Dodgers because baseball sucks.. I just think David Beckham’s cute.. you know.. in a guy kinda way..”

Another fan out of Chicago, had to be reminded who Beckham was again. “lol.. i thought it was a beer!” she said. Our interviewer corrected her by saying, “No Ma’am, that’s Becks” She then went on to rant about how Beckham’s looks can help market Becks beer but at that point we just nodded our heads silently in disappointment.

Some other fans we interviewed just hoped he’d be able to do movies more underwear commercials. “That soccer thing is just to keep him busy, I didn’t think one could get injured from that boring sport” commented one of them out of a crowd.

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